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Sensual and affectionate physical contact with a woman. Gentle caresses, hugs, cuddling, skin-to-skin contact.

I know this is something I desire. Hell, who wouldn't?

But foregoing that form of contact for a while makes me crave it something awful. And it's been... months. The last time that I had anything other than a very brief gentle touching was late march when I went to the strip club down here for the first time. And that was not exactly a lengthy period, maybe 15-20 minutes. And rather expensive. Before that, I can't even remember, but it's pushing a year.

Bear in mind that the first visit to the strip club was not a normal strip club experience. It had to do with one specific dancer who was exceptionally good at sensuality. And this is a full-contact club, so touching is not only allowed, it is encouraged. Almost mandatory.

Most of the dancers there aren't overly concerned with sensuality. I suppose because most of the clientele isn't overly concerned with sensuality.

That does make me an anomaly, but that really isn't so surprising. I am anomalous in a lot of ways.

I could go back to the strip club, but it would be just to see her. And it would cost me a lot of money again. And a while later, I'd still want more.

I could try and find an escort service. But again, I don't think most escorts are concerned with sensuality, and again it would be expensive. And it is about the sensuality and the touching, not about the sex.

I think the great unwashed masses don't have a lot of discernment between sensuality and sexuality. They may consider sensual touching as foreplay more than anything. I make a great distinction between the two. Sensuality can be a great companion to sex, but it is a wonderful thing in its own right.

But finding a partner with whom I can share sensual explorations, who is comfortable with her own body and willing to share it and trust and be trusted, who likes the idea of trying different techniques of massage and different textures of touch... that is difficult. Particularly considering that I'm not looking to become romantically involved.

I'm not looking for a fuckbuddy. While that would be a nice diversion, it's not what I crave.

I'm not looking to be pleasured exclusively. I'm not looking to be the pleasurer exclusively. I'm looking to explore and share. I'm looking for someone who finds the idea of being blindfolded and earmuffed and being slowly and gently caressed over every inch of her body to be an experience bordering on the spiritual.

I have to think that I'm not the only one.

But where can I find like-minded folks? How do I go about finding someone who might share my cravings? Put an ad in the paper? Join Adult Friend Finder? Post this message on livejournal and hope that someone reads it and might know of someone? Start a website called pleasuersoftheflesh.com?

And what of the short term? I'm currently living in Des Moines, not exactly what I'd consider the sensual capitol of the world. Should I go back to the strip club? Should I try an escort service? Should I try and tough it out?

None of those choices sound particularly appealing.

Comments

( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
mesmericone
Sep. 9th, 2004 08:54 am (UTC)
Fans self.....you write really erotically!

I don't know where you could go. I have been on adultfriender.com before to find a fuckbuddy.....it was interesting. I guess a lot of women that are subscribed on there were basically guiding men to their webpages etc....

magicmarmot
Sep. 9th, 2004 10:27 am (UTC)
Erotic vs. sensual-- I think I write sensually. Not necessarily erotically, though the two are very much connected.

Though if you think that's erotic, you should have one of my dreams. :)

I haven't really been to explore AFF. I'm not sure it would provide what I'm looking for, but I don't know what else would.
mesmericone
Sep. 9th, 2004 11:34 am (UTC)
All I know from it is that there are a LOT of guys on it. Good luck.
arwynestaria
Sep. 9th, 2004 09:02 am (UTC)
Des Moines IS hard to navigate in regards to finding someone for that sole purpose. I hate it, personally. The search, that is. There aren't that many emotionally secure people out there for even just sex. They always look for what isn't there.

I've lived in Des Moines for almost 4 years now. Believe me, I sympathize.
magicmarmot
Sep. 9th, 2004 10:44 am (UTC)
Emotional security is a definite must-have. I've dealt with the unstable long enough that I would rather eat glass.

I've only been here since March. And I know I'll be departing sometime between December and July, so I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel for me-- kinda. There's a lot that I still have to deal with when I get back to my "new" home.

Looking for "just" sex, as in sex-without-committment would work to an extent I suppose, but it's not really about the sex, at least for me. Plus I don't just wanna be lumped in with a bunch of horny cheesedicks who are all about their "twelve inches of throbbing manhood".

I guess I'm looking for something special.
mesmericone
Sep. 9th, 2004 11:33 am (UTC)
Okay.....to me as a girl, something special means relationship. Sex only means sex only......I think you need to think a bit more on what and how you need to describe what you are looking for. Just a blunt thought for you coming from the letter Z.
magicmarmot
Sep. 9th, 2004 11:40 am (UTC)
Isn't there something in between "sex only" and "relationship"?
mesmericone
Sep. 9th, 2004 11:46 am (UTC)
Hmm, well, you can be really good friends and have a sexual relationship that doesn't change your friendship. Not sure of a good name though. Is that what you are looking for?
magicmarmot
Sep. 9th, 2004 12:04 pm (UTC)
That to me is more along the lines of 'fuckbuddies'.

I'd be more likely to describe it as intimate rather than sexual. I'm not opposed to sex, but it's not the purpose.

It's more about comfort and intimacy and touching and fun. And I suppose trust.
mesmericone
Sep. 9th, 2004 01:21 pm (UTC)
Well, when I had fuckbuddies we would cuddle, talk and do all the appropriate turning on and touching stuff before we had sex........hmmm. Trust is very important in this as well!
arwynestaria
Sep. 9th, 2004 11:40 am (UTC)
The unstable is a common denominator around here. Unfortunately.

Where are you moving to?

So... What exactly are you looking for? Not a relationship will constitute just sex for a lot of women. But there are a few who enjoy sensuality as opposed to just sex that I've met along the way. Guess it just depends on the circumstances.
magicmarmot
Sep. 9th, 2004 12:00 pm (UTC)
I'll be moving back to Minneapolis. I have a house there that is currently being occupied by my friend saveau, who is also watching my lovely dog and three cats.

What exactly am I looking for? I don't know if I can pinpoint it exactly.

Not a relationship, or at least not a romantic/committed relationship. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt and a few scars along the way, and I want to heal before I even consider getting involved again.

Friendship, definitely. Liking someone on a general level is a very good thing. Fortunately I'm a very likeable person. :)

Physical intimacy, without necessarily being sexual. Being naked, touching, caressing. I'm not opposed to sex, but it's not my primary interest.

Comfort. I'm not looking for anything pressured, or coerced; I'm looking for relaxing, pleasure, and fun.

Communication. Being able to talk, and being able to make sure that we are understanding each other, and what we are wanting from each other. What things are comfortable, what things are not. What fun things we might try.

Does that help?
arwynestaria
Sep. 9th, 2004 01:01 pm (UTC)
Absolutely. I think you'll be able to find something like that here. Possibly. ;)

And I understand completely about what you want. I've been on that track, myself.
magicmarmot
Sep. 9th, 2004 05:47 pm (UTC)
So are you volunteering? :)

I have no idea where to begin even looking for somebody. Maybe I should wait until my massage table gets here.
ex_motel666812
Sep. 9th, 2004 02:46 pm (UTC)
Meh. Get a hooker. Tell her your want, in these industry-specific words, "the Girlfriend Experience." This will be expensive, but you'll get all that hugging/touching/exploring stuff.

I never provided TGE, because I hated customers and found them disgusting in every way, and there was no amount of money in the world that could motivate me to perform "sensual"-type maneuvers with them. But I'm sure there's some Des Moines dame somewhere in the city who's desperate enough, or who just doesn't care enough, to take your money to perform that kind of service. :)

xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxox
magicmarmot
Sep. 9th, 2004 02:58 pm (UTC)
From my own experience in "the inustry" (heh), the GFE was pretty ill-defined, and tended to vary-- DFK, DATY, etc. depended on the girl. Hugs were pretty commonplace, but beyond that everything was... for lack of a better word, negotiable.

And the way it looks, all of my money is gonna have to go into fixing the house *yet again*.

I may have to just suffer for a while. But you know what they say: "If you have to suffer, there's no better place for it than Des Moines". I think that's the city motto.

Now you really have me curious as to what you did.

And thanks for adding me.
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )

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