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1.) Strippers have great asses.

Okay, that is a generalization, but the majority of strippers have realy nice, muscular asses. When you spend long hours at work dancing and crouching, it tends to make muscles where you need them.

(Okay, she doesn't actually have to be a stripper. She just has to look like one.)

2.) Strippers are more prone to be sexually adventurous.

Again, a generalization, but pretty sure you're not gonna find a prudish stripper.

But the special part:
3.) She must be emotionally stable
4.) She must enjoy the skeletons/corpses/creepy stuff that I talked about earlier.

This may be really hard to find. But I really only need one. Maybe two or three for weekends.

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So yeah, if you haven't guessed by now, this is pretty much an impossible set of criteria. And with good reason. It's my silly way of keeping myself from getting involved with anyone on more than a friendship level.

If by some miracle I did manage to find an emotionally available stripper who really enjoyed creepy things and had a passle o' desire for me, I would probably dive in headfirst and not come up for air for a month.
I would also make exceptions for Milla Jovovich and Angelina Jolie.
I figure they're all about as likely as winning the lottery.

I am somewhat flip about this because it is my way of dealing with the pain. I can look at myself and point and laugh and be silly for much the same reason that I can wear purple slippers out to see a movie. At this point, I'm not concerned with making a good impression because I'm not willing to risk my innards on someone else again.

That will change eventually. Maybe. I'll probably have to get out and meet more people. Right now it's not the time.