Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

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Pissing in the wind

No matter what I say here today, it will be overshadowed by the events that have occurred in the world at large. I am insignificant, and were I to pass on today, the world wouldn't miss me any more than they would the passing of a leaf on a tree in autumn, or the passing of gas in a crowded elevator.

Cool site of the day:

Bitch of a day. Exhausted from going through a lot of logistical details for four commercial shoots with trying to balance several people's schedules. Finally got burned out, took the dog for a nice walk, then went to SA to buy cheap food. Got back home to find Barb in a mood to pump me for details about a different project that required a LOT of mechanical thinking, and I was just too exhausted. I snapped at her, she snapped at me, we fought for a few minutes.
Both of us know that we're under a lot of stress, and we're trying to not take it out on each other, but sometimes it just slips. We're okay. But my brain is exhausted.

More logistical/scheduling work. This is the part I hate about producing. It's not creative, it's tedious, but it has to be done, and nobody is gonna do it for me. I currently have four commercials slated, one movie (thankfully I'm not producing), an audio project coming up, and a secret project that shall remain nameless. And job-hunting. Takes a lot of time. But then when I actually get to the shooting part, it's like magic.

Philosophical question of the day:
Who do I write this journal for? I certainly write for myself, as it helps me to clear my thoughts and express and understand my feelings, but if it were just for myself I could write in a diary.
I don't write with any one particular person in mind. At least for the most part; I suppose occasionally I am thinking of someone in particular when a word or phrase turns my head, but usually it's just an entity that is in my head, like another facet of myself that is reflected in everyone who reads these words.


I don't really share all aspects of my life. Not really out of any desire for secrecy, but mostly because some of the things are just too disgusting for polite company, or just plain too boring. The stuff that really matters, or at least what I think really matters, I usually put out there. My feelings, experiences, thoughts: those things that help define me as an individual.

There is one very strong exception to that. Relationships that I have with other people. One relationship in particular which I have kept private out of respect for those people involved. Someone with whom I am proud to call my friend. And someone who I have helped make very sad. And I don't feel good about that at all.

How much of my daily moods are based on my own perceptions? Like if I wake up expecting a shitty day, does the day become shitty by default? Certainly there are large outside influences that can turn a day either good or bad, but with just a normal day, how much is my mood influenced by attitude, and how much the other way 'round?
I should go back along my LJ posts and plot my mood vs. time and see if any patterns emerge.

Cripes, I may just take a down day tomorrow, if I can rationalize it to myself.

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