Today at least, I am relaxed and at peace. Much more so that I was last week anyway.
The hot tub at the apartment was not operational. They hadn't closed it, but they shut off the heater and all the pumps, evidently to do some sort of drain maintenance in the surrounding area.
Of course, they didn't drain the tub. So now they have little blooms of algae forming like freckles all over the walls and floor.
They are going to have such problems with that system.
Barb called last night. Evidently the house water filter had spontaneously sprung a leak. I had originally installed the filter when we bought the house and I had to replace the plumbing, so it was about ten years old. I had to talk her through getting a new filter housing and installing it. And it appears to have been a success, though it was touch and go for a while. And the main water shutoff valve has developed a leak as well-- on the street side of the meter. I need to look at that when I go up this weekend.
I think I've hit the apex, or at least the far side of the cycle. I've gone from being terrified of being alone to enjoying the freedom of being unattached. I am solidly in the not-wanting-a-relationship court right now, and I think this might be a good place to stay a while.
Part of it is probably seeing several unattached women that I know at least peripherally, and seeing the emotional baggage that they are carrying with them.
Hey, not throwing stones here. I have my own emotional carry-on, and I know it. I understand it. I don't fault anyone for having shit that they have to deal with in their lives. What I am saying is that I don't want to have to deal with an emotional fruit bat right now.
The emotionally stable stripper archetype that I have put forth is there for a reason. It's an impossibility. For one, exotic dancing (or sexwork in general) is a hugely emotionally draining job. You cannot survive as an exotic dancer without building up huge, massive defenses that reflect on your sexuality. A lot of dancers hate men because of this, and a lot of them have problems with true intimacy. And one thing that I really don't want is an emotionally distant man-hater.
So why the stripper part of the archetype?
Two words: Great Ass.
I have taken an imposible archetype as my "ideal" woman. Why? Because it keeps me from being distracted. Nobody can fulfill that archetype, so I don't have to bother looking. And I can flirt without any complications. There is no possibility of success, so there is no fear.
And I don't think of it as being defeatist. It is what I want right now. I don't want any ties, I don't want to be involved with anyone. I'm sure that will change in the future, but I need to concentrate on me for a while.
And I think a big part of that is that I don't have kids. I think if I had children, I would most definitely want a rearing partner. Or two. Or ten. I really like the idea of a commune type of environment for raising kids. Lots of shared resources, lots of support, a close-knit family.
