Aw, dammit. I hate when people make me think about stuff.
The situation with Barb: The romantic relationship is over. She is going back to school in Bemidji to finish her degree, which should take another year-plus.
She doesn't have enough room in her new place to keep everything. She doesn't have enough income to afford storage for everything. I have agreed to let her store her stuff at the house for the time being-- essentially until she's done with school.
Lex brings up that that's taking advantage of me. And it could very well be.
But it's complicated. The house loan is currently in Barb's name. The title is still freakish, but when it is straightened out, we will both be the titled owners and it will remain that way until I can refinance and buy out the loan. And I probably won't be able to refinance until my credit rating is improved for a 24-month period, probably end of 2005 or so.
We also have pets. I am currently retaining custody of all of them, though eventually Barb will be taking two of the cats. But there needs to be visitation, particularly with Sadie (the dog).
And we have common friends. In general, we're trying to keep an amicable split.
Barb is a creature of insecurity. I know this. I also know that one of her big insecurities is "not having a place to be" once she finishes school. And I think that is part of her hesitation to get her stuff out of the house, that if she gets everything out it somehow becomes "real".
And I understand that. I'm also trying to be kind, and make the transition more gradual than just booting her out.
But I am also a creature of insecurity. And I have to wonder if my letting her store her stuff at the house is also my way of holding on. For different reasons. While her stuff is there, I have "baggage". That baggage is something that I can use as an excuse to not risk an emotional relationship with someone else.
Food for thought.