Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

More relationship stuff

Introspective and masturbatory. You have been warned.

In dealing with Barb-related issues for the past few months, I have to wonder whether I am relationship material.

Sure, I tend to be super-critical of myself. But I don't know where I sit with dealing with a partner.

Every relationship has its own rules. I get that. Every relationship is different. Yet at the same time, I think that I bring a certain amount of stability into the relationship, at least with my expectations and the way that I deal with things.

Have I been too critical of Barb? Not critical enough? Does criticism have anything to do with it?

There are a lot of things that I should have done.
I should have been stronger.
Meaning that I should have had more courage in dealing with confronting her when things bothered me. Instead, I took it on myself to be accommodating without really looking at how I felt about something.

I should have not let her get away with the things that I let her get away with.
Hmm... not quite right. I think that any person is responsible for their own behavior. It wasn't up to me to "let her" get away with things. I did express my displeasure with some things (the kitchen, the Room Where No One Walks), I offered a schedule of chores, I asked for specific dates of things to get done. Nothing worked. I finally gave up.
That's the point. I shouldn't have given up. I should have pressed the issue, or walked out a long time ago. I should have had the courage to say no.

Why didn't I?

Because I'm a nice guy?

I can still be a nice guy and have courage.
I can still be a nice guy and be able to express my displeasure or disappointment.
I can be a nice guy and walk away from a harmful relationship if it would be a better thing to do.
I can be a nice guy and still cause you pain.

I am truly a sweet, wonderful, caring person.

I need to be a strong person.

I need courage. I need strength. I need to find it inside myself.

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