Sex drive is gone. Almost in the negative zone. The realization hit me sometime during the halloween party, part way through the evening.
I am still appreciative of beauty. And I'm quite happy to touch and be touched. But I realized that I'm a long way from being not only comfortable with my body, but my emotional self as well.
Maybe it was meeting new people and being perhaps a little suspicious of them. Odd, and I don't have any good reason to be suspicious, it's just my defenses.
Knowing where it comes from doesn't really help. I'm just buried so deep that it takes a lot to get through. And I don't really want to explore anything right now.
The house is in limbo. I kind of fit right along with that. I know it will eventually get better with work. I suppose I will, too. It's just that right now, I'm pretty much buried in isolation.
So what? What does it really matter?