It's hard to explain what's going on in my head right now.


Sex drive is gone. Almost in the negative zone. The realization hit me sometime during the halloween party, part way through the evening.
I am still appreciative of beauty. And I'm quite happy to touch and be touched. But I realized that I'm a long way from being not only comfortable with my body, but my emotional self as well.
Maybe it was meeting new people and being perhaps a little suspicious of them. Odd, and I don't have any good reason to be suspicious, it's just my defenses.

Dammit.

Knowing where it comes from doesn't really help. I'm just buried so deep that it takes a lot to get through. And I don't really want to explore anything right now.

The house is in limbo. I kind of fit right along with that. I know it will eventually get better with work. I suppose I will, too. It's just that right now, I'm pretty much buried in isolation.

So what? What does it really matter?