Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

Relationshipship, part V: the Empire Strikes Back

ReallyBigIssue® subtext:

I handled certain aspects of our relationship badly. The biggest one is how I communicated when I was unhappy, or when there was a conflict, or just in general.

This bugs the shit out of me. I thought we communicated well. What we actually did was we *talked* well.

Core problem for me is that I did not have a handle on how I was feeling, or what I was thinking. When something bugged me, I didn't necessarily recognize it. Or if I did, I didn't deal with it.

If I consider the possibility that I may be in another relationship, that is still an issue. I don't want it to be an issue. So I need to learn how to handle recognizing my feelings in whatever context they come, and being able to express those feelings and communicate them to my partner in a whole and healthy way.

That goes for positive feelings as well as negative ones.

Problem is that any relationship takes (at least) two people. And the dynamics of that relationship are going to be different with two different people, and will also change even with those two people.

I don't feel capable of doing that. I don't feel that I have enough of a handle on my own feelings and thoughts to effectively be able to communicate. I don't feel that I have the capability to handle conflict well enough yet to be a good partner in a relationship.

So until I get a better handle on that, I am out of relationships.
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