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The Rules


I don't have anybody particular in mind, but it's more considering whether I'm open to dating at all. I haven't been for several months now, and I'm thinking that it may be time to change that.

I'm not looking for romantic involvement. And that sort of makes me hesitate. I don't know if it's really allowed to date in a non-romantic fashion.

I can go out with friends just fine, but a one-on-one is a bit more daunting. Is it something that I should say right off the bat? Or is a one-one-one date heavy with implied desire?

Cripes, it's been a really long time since I was single and dating, and I never really got it right back then either.

Anybody up for offering dating advice?

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
lexinatrix
Nov. 10th, 2004 02:48 pm (UTC)
These are the rules of What Not To Discuss on a first date, by Lex:

1) Past relationships
2) Hangups
3) Marriage/Kids (either current or impending... heh)
4) Kinky sex fetishes
5) Criminal records


Really, the whole concept behind dating is get to know someone. Stick with that idea, not the trajectory of where the date will lead.

FWIW: I was a "surrogate girlfriend" for a good friend of mine. We went to dinners, movies, plays, concerts together. Stuff my then-SO didn't like to do. It kept his conversational skills up, he got to practice interacting with a woman, and so on. I got to do stuff I loved to do with someone who really wanted to do it too. Maybe a friend like that is an option?
magicmarmot
Nov. 10th, 2004 04:43 pm (UTC)
Like a "practice date"?

It's a wonderful idea. I'll probably do a lot of that when I get back home.

Down here though, it's a different story.
lexinatrix
Nov. 10th, 2004 04:46 pm (UTC)
Yes, like a practice date. Exactly.
badinagevim
Nov. 12th, 2004 07:47 am (UTC)
Perfectly Ok
I think it's perfectly ok.

The basic gist of dating is careful honesty. You want to be upfront with the other person without making yourself look like you are too much of a freak. For instance, you want to let them know you aren't really planning on a relationship any time soon, but you don't want to harp on not wanting a relationship.

Outside of that... A few basic things I can think of that are probably not even worth mentioning.

Don't go into details about the ex.

If you get on the date, and it doesn't feel right. Just end it. The other person will know if you are forcing yourself to be there, and they will assume it's something about them.

Be careful about any second dates right away.

Be mindful if you are into an intimate situation (like a massage and such) that your partner doesn't think more than you are prepared to do.

Make the first date something easy and public.

Share some of your strengths if you catch yourself being down on yourself.

If your partner 'overshares' information about their life, partners, whatever - be mindful they may be inadvertantly ready for more than you can offer.

um and if you happen to accidently call your date by someone else's name - Just apologize once and back it up with flowers at the earliest convenience. Then, apologize again in the card attached to flowers. (does not matter if these are grocery store or high end florist. it's the effort and acknowledgement.)

pick someone, go have fun.
Don't make it harder than it is. :)

Mata
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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