Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

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Stuck in a rut

I've become a hermit again.

A while ago, I was a hermit, basically avoiding human contact. Had a lot to do with depression.

I'm spending a lot of time awake late at night. I'm feeling like I need to create something, like I need to give birth to an idea, but it's riding right below the surface.

I have a lot of work to do. I'm avoiding doing it. A lot of it is cleaning, generally getting rid of the accumulated crap of the last several months. I'm getting it done slowly, but I'm pretty frustrated at how much there is to do. The studio is packed, and it has to be cleared out for shooting and recording, and the living room/dining room needs a thorough excavation. And today I pretty much sat on my ass. Okay, I did do some job-surfing and a little bit of cleaning, but at this rate it will be somewhere in 2005 before I'm done. And because I'm feeling so unaccomplished, I'm feeling unworthy of being with people.

And yeah, I can intellectualize all I want, but I still feel like I want to hide in a small dark room and snuggle in a comfy chair, read books, watch movies, and listen to audio.
Tags: cleaning, depression, hoarding

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