Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam
magicmarmot

On filtering posts


The vast majority of posts that I make are open to everyone to read. And I do get quite personal in a lot of them.

So far, it hasn't been a problem. I don't seem to collect stalkers. I know there are lurkers who read my journal, hopefully because it's entertaining on some level, but they tend to not become obsessed and create little shrines to me in their bedroom closets*. Or if they do, then they keep it to themselves.

I do try and post something at least once a day. The reasons for that are varied, but the primary reason is a sort of discipline. It forces me to write, forces me to work on writing skills, to take some of the daily mundane things and try to make them interesting. If I can do that, it helps to polish my skills as a writer.
I don't always succeed. But more often than not, I get something from it: some sense of style, or a bit of experimentation, or a connection between my unconscious mind and the words on the page. Those are tools that I can work with, things that I can use to create more interesting things later.

Sometimes I go on creative writing binges. These are pure exercises, tryuing to find a voice, or play with a style, or an idea, or a concept. Most of the time they're pretty obvious. Sometimes not so much.

Sometimes I need to vent. I'm finding more of that recently, which I think is a good thing.

Sometimes I post things that I have done and decisions that I've made that weren't exactly the most well-thought-out things in the world. And sometimes I get called on the carpet for it. And I am glad that I have friends who can occasionally give me a virtual smack upside the head and tell me I'm being an idiot.

Sometimes I have drama.

Sometimes I need to get thoughts out of my head, and get them down into something of an organized form so that I can get a handle on things that otherwise seem like a whirling dervish, impossible to control.

Sometimes I am feeling mischevious.

Sometimes I sit in front of a blank screen, and I have no idea what to write. And those times tend to be some of the most egregious things in the end, because I can't not write. If that happens, I will usually end up tossing out some free-association words onto the screen, and sometimes that ends up going deep into my psyche.

But all of these things are just facets. They are like windows into my real self, but windows that offer distorted funhouse views into who I really am. In isolation, they are nothing but show. Snapshots of a carnival sideshow that's been and gone.

I don't know completely who I am. I don't think I'll ever really know, because I'm constantly in a state of becoming something else. I know I am more than the sum of my livejournal posts.

At least for now, I plan to keep my journal open. I suppose I am an attention whore in some way because of it, and I can accept that. I like attention. Particularly if it comes from hot goth babes.

*If you have made a shrine to the magicmarmot, let me know. I'd love to see it!
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