Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

Hazy shade of winter

Feeling indescribable today.

A real mixture of angst, dread, promise and joy.

Angst is for the many things that I have yet to deal with in my
"romantic" life, as well as still trying to understand all of my
personal issues.

I mean, I really want to be the perfect person, or as close to it as I
can get. But there's a lot of whitespace between where I am and where I
want to be, and I don't completely know how to get there.

Dread is for work, primarily. I have a meeting in a few minutes
that isn't going to be pretty. It's also for money and legal issues that
I have to deal with.

Promise comes from the possibilities that lie open before me.

Joy comes from friends old and new.

I want to be able to say "I'm a simple man", but it's not true. I'm a
highly complex man, full of complex things, and I have complex needs and
desires. I can't articulate them all, which is probably a big part of
the angst. In the Hillbert-space of my mind, there is no easy map to
find direction, no easy path to take from one point to the next. It
always seems like something so close that I can almost feel it is still
a lifetime's journey away.

Then again, I'm impatient.

Now I must go face the evils of work. Wish me luck and a safe journey.

And I'm publicly stating that I do indeed like autodidactic.
Just in case you wanted to know.

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