This same topic has come up three times in the last week or so in different contexts, and usually when that happens, it leads me into the ice-floe-jumping game of synchronicity.
I am a meat puppet. I revel in the pleasures of the flesh, primarily because I can. I have learned moderation in most forms as I've gotten older, but I still have a real Hard-on¹ for sex.
To me, having a "romantic" relationship involves sexuality and sexplay. I like sex. It's something special to be shared and enjoyed mutually.
But I've seen relationships where sex has become a tool of manipulation. Hell, I've been in relationships like that. Sex was used as a reward for doing something good, and withholding sex a punishnemt for the bad.
Certainly sex isn't a duty. It's not something that you should be forced into against your will. But neither should it be used as the proverbial carrot-on-the stick² and used to correct the actions of your partner.
I mean ding-dang-doodle³, if you actually don't like having sex with me in the long term, there's probably something bigger that's wrong in our relationship.ª
And should you choose to withhold sex in an attempt to coerce me into changing my behavior, the behavior that I change may not be the one that you want.
Here's the big point: if you don't respect me enough to talk to me about something that you have an issue with, and instead resort to a rewards & punishment theme like I'm some sort of a salivating dog, I will resent that. And resentment breeds contempt.
And I have enough contempt in my life, thanks.
¹ not a real hard-on.
² unfortunate phallic metaphor
³ I don't really mean ding-dang-doodle.
ª Not you, Tony.