I've had a number of growth things happen to me over the last several
months. The hardest to accept was the taking responsibility for things
in my life thing-- I'm still resisting it in some ways-- but I've been
learning to face this stuff rather than hide from it.
Barb is readying to get most of her stuff packed. I think she's finding
it easier to get away than to try and hold on. I know it's been hard for
her, and I feel bad, I really do. But I'm also having to deal with
things, and we're not compatible anymore. If we ever really were.
No, we were compatible in a lot of ways. Sense of humor particularly.
But the incompatibilities became irreconcilable, and caused a rift
that's just not repairable. Nor should it be: we need different things
than we can give each other. I still love Barb, and I want to see her
succeed and find the things that she needs. And I love her enough to not
try to hold on.
I have grown through this. I feel all adult-y now, and I know that's not
the real me, but it's like a new part of me, a new facet that I have to
accept, like the stoic roommate who makes sure that all the bills are
paid and the trash is taken out.
I'm learning patience, and how to let go.
I'm learning that there are things about myself that I never really
realized before. Things that I like. And some that I don't like. In
general, I'm pretty happy with myself. Weird realization.
Holidays are a suck time. The whole sense of belonging is skewed,
in a kind of limbo. Like a phantom limb of an amputee-- it feels like it
should be there, but it's not, and once in a while you find yourself
reaching for a cup of coffee with a hand that just isn't there anymore.
I have spent time wondering whether this was a right or wrong decision,
but I've come to understand that there is no clear-cut right and wrong
here. It's a choice like any other, filled with consequences and causes
and effects. Some of them will be good and some of them will be bad, and
it's just a new path.
Strength, courage, wisdom.
Spent most of last night shopping for copper. Through some fancy
financial footwork, I was able to finagle enough to comfortably get the
materials for my injection manifold for the heating system. I finally
discovered that Menards down here has 2" copper pipe and almost all the
fittings that I needed-- thus the hunting part of the evening commenced.
I still need to get one more piece which is an easy one, and I could
stand to get some thin copper flashing to make some standoff pieces.
Overall though, I'm quite happy with the design.
It's about 9 feet long, folded in thirds to be more compact. It uses
turbulent flow mixing and direct injection of the hot water from the
boiler to add energy to the continuous flow system. What it means is
that my two heating circuits are free-flowing and continuous, while the
boiler circuit only feeds when heat is called for, and it's completely
valveless and unobstructed. It's quite ingenious.
Now if it only works.
Okay, it should work fine. The only problem that I can see with it is
when the weather gets warmer, it's possible that it could overheat the
house. I don't think that will be an issue since the boiler only fires
when the thermostat kicks in, and it should cool down and go into
an idle mode.
I guess we'll find out.