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Quandry: Craving the intimate interactions of human flesh, but still feeling too vulnerable to become emotionally involved.

Resolution: the concept of fuckbuddies has come up more than once. Kind of a crude name for the concept, but essentially we're talking about a friend who is amenable to sexplay, but isn't looking to get involved in a relationship.

(Bear in mind that we are talking responsible and consensual sexplay here.)

Is this a good idea? On one hand, there is the satisfaction of the need for physical intimacy and human touch, the advancement of trust and exposure to a level of vulnerability that may be necessary for healing.
On the other, with vulnerability comes risk. Risk of emotional involvement, risks of one person wanting to continue when the other person doesn't, risk of hurt feelings.

Fuckbuddies: good or bad idea

Hell yes! There are times when sex and friendship go great together.
It can be a really good idea, as long as everyone plays by the rules and you don't get further involved.
Sounds fun, but it really never works out. Feelings always get hurt.
Absolutely not. Never mix friends and sex. It's a great way to lose a friend.
Jeez. Just pay for a hooker already.


Dec. 30th, 2004 09:28 pm (UTC)
I had a fuck buddy off and on for over 25 years. And, yes, it was the same person. We had a great time together, whenever we were both between romantic partners. (And, sometimes, as I found out later, when he was currently attached to someone else.)

But, he wasn't really a friend. I ended up figuring out that I didn't really like or respect him. It was all about the sex. And it was still hard to break it off with him. He didn't understand that I really wanted to call everything off. He ended up assuming that whenever I ran into him that we were going to end up in bed together. It took a long time to get it through his head that I just didn't want to.

I can't imagine what it would be like to have a fuck buddy that is a friend, and how difficult it would be for either of the buddies not to get too carried away / hopeful / delusional about the no-involvement state of the relationship.

I would say that, before getting into a buddy relationship with someone, sit down and talk about it. Make sure she wants just a sexual thing, and not a relationship. And realize that, even if she's not deluding herself, she may end up changing her mind about what she wants.

Proceed with caution.
Dec. 30th, 2004 09:36 pm (UTC)
Oof. The changing her mind thing.

That bit me in the ass once already, in a different context. Caution is much good here.

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