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Quandry: Craving the intimate interactions of human flesh, but still feeling too vulnerable to become emotionally involved.

Resolution: the concept of fuckbuddies has come up more than once. Kind of a crude name for the concept, but essentially we're talking about a friend who is amenable to sexplay, but isn't looking to get involved in a relationship.

(Bear in mind that we are talking responsible and consensual sexplay here.)

Is this a good idea? On one hand, there is the satisfaction of the need for physical intimacy and human touch, the advancement of trust and exposure to a level of vulnerability that may be necessary for healing.
On the other, with vulnerability comes risk. Risk of emotional involvement, risks of one person wanting to continue when the other person doesn't, risk of hurt feelings.


Fuckbuddies: good or bad idea

Hell yes! There are times when sex and friendship go great together.
3(15.0%)
It can be a really good idea, as long as everyone plays by the rules and you don't get further involved.
10(50.0%)
Sounds fun, but it really never works out. Feelings always get hurt.
4(20.0%)
Absolutely not. Never mix friends and sex. It's a great way to lose a friend.
1(5.0%)
Jeez. Just pay for a hooker already.
2(10.0%)

Comments

jmanna
Dec. 31st, 2004 12:39 am (UTC)
MLE sounds pretty close.

I don't do Fuck Buddies. (Pun intended) Because I need more then sex. I want more then sex. For me, personally, sex is an avenue to and expression of intimacy of an emotional nature. I want more then a fuck buddy is supposed to give. It's not fair to the other person whose looking for not attachments, just some physical comfort. It's not fair to me, because I'm left feel unsatisfied and somehow a bit emptier then I started.

I personally cannot detach the physical intimacy from the emotional intimacy and recognize that.

Honestly, from your posts, I suspect you may have the same. Because if it was purely sex I don't think you would have so much trepidation.
magicmarmot
Dec. 31st, 2004 03:56 am (UTC)
This is possible. However, I've really been involved with someone in a serious manner for about 20 years, and have had very few "external" sexual adventures.
It's more about exploring avenues and options. It may be entirely true that I can't separate the two, but it's also something that I'm willing to at least explore.

I feel like I need a couple of years to become emotionally ready to be a partner to someone. I don't know if I can be physically that distant for so long. Particularly down here, where I don't know anybody, and I don't have physical human interaction at all.

Certainly I would like both. But I'm not going there until I feel it's right, and I don't want to become emotionally involved with someone just because of physical needs. That would be extremely shitty.
lucyruthe
Dec. 31st, 2004 04:15 pm (UTC)
I get where you're at. I personally feel I have some oats to sow, dammit.

However, in order to "just play and explore" I need to constantly monitor my state of mind and be in a place where I'm strong enough to walk away and take care of myself. I think it's possible to just play as long as you are always ready and willing to let go. THe moment you find yourself or the other person trying to cling, you've failed at the fuck buddy and/or friends-with-benefits mindset.

And don't feel so strongly about getting some that you lose your personal standards or compromise your own well-being. THe hard part about going through shit is that you often have to deny yourself to take care of yourself. Only you know what you have the strength, willpower, and peace of mind to handle.
magicmarmot
Dec. 31st, 2004 05:12 pm (UTC)
I'm definitely in anti-cling mode right now, though I know that I need to keep a watchful eye if I ever do get into the situation.

It's only an intellectual exercise anyway, at least right now. The options aren't really there to explore beyond the intellectual pursuits of whether I should consider it.

And don't feel so strongly about getting some that you lose your personal standards or compromise your own well-being.
Yes-- this frightens me. I know that I could fall into this trap in many different ways, and be completely oblivious to it at the time. My biggest fear is that I would become emotionally involved with someone just because it was an easy avenue to sex, but I'd be confusing it with love.

This is some hard stuff to work through.

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