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Refractory punctuation

Most paper plates are not dishwasher safe.

I know this without having to put paper plates in the dishwasher to test it. It satisfies my sensibilities to take that assumption as fact without having to actually see it with my own eyes. Yet if someone were to ask me if I was absolutely sure, I'd have to hesitate because I haven't actually done it, nor have I ever seen anything which espouses to test the durability of paper plates in a dishwasher.

I just take it on faith.

This could go off into a rant about religion and morality and existence, but I've already done enough of that as of late, and I'm more preoccupied with love and lust and matters of the heart and groin.

I recently had a friend down to visit for a weekend. A very attractive female friend of the amazingly sexy persuasion. And it was a good weekend. Nothing untoward happened, though the possibility was either there or I completely misread everything (and I don't think I'm that far gone).

Several of my friends have now asked me if there was any hanky-panky that happened that weekend. Enough that I wonder if they were taking bets. Apparently the odds were 50-50.

The flip of a coin.

The urge to provide her with vast amounts of sensual pleasure was almost overwhelming. She would have enjoyed it. And I would have enjoyed it. But there would have been the next morning, and the chance of regret and stickiness. And I'd rather have her as a close friend than a one night stand.

Then there's Barb. Talking about whether we need some sort of a finalization ceremony, some sort of a ritualistic event to mark the psychological end of the relationship. If we don't do it, there's always this thin thread of hope that we could "work things out" (as long as I could change my mind about several things).

I have to wonder how much of my attraction to and desire for my dear lovely friend is a response to being in limbo, like if I had a night of good hard lovin', I'd somehow be free of the constraints of the relationship with Barb. How much is just a desire to be desired, a want to be wanted, a hunger for the flesh.

To be fair, the attraction I have for her is more than just sexual. She is hands down the sexiest woman I know, and I am not alone in that assessment. But she's also smart and quite shrewd, and generally a lot of fun to be around. And really if I were to get involved with her as more than a friend, I'd want it to last a good long time.

But I am currently unclear as to my own motivations for anything regarding women. Other than sex. Sex is good. I like sex. More than chocolate. But even more than sex, I like pleasuring my partner. I like touching, and playing with textures and different temperatures, different sensations. I like gentle kissing, everywhere. Nibbling, grazing, a little hot breath on the back of the neck. A little teasing.

But I also need to know it's allowed. I need to know that I have free reign to do these things. And right now, I don't.

But I crave.


( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 19th, 2005 03:50 am (UTC)
All I know is that I really need to get laid. Mind you, not wham bam thank you ma'am......something really good, comfortable and full of organisms.......Not doing well tonight. I am really thinking that the "right" one doesn't exist. I don't know why I even bother looking anymore! Yep, I am down in the dumps tonight......
Jan. 19th, 2005 04:02 am (UTC)
Full of organisms? :)

I'm with you there. Wham-bam I can get, but it doesn't play for satisfaction.

As for the "right" one... what constitutes "right"?
Jan. 19th, 2005 02:20 pm (UTC)
If I knew what was the "right" one, I would have one & get everyone's "right" to them.....is B still trying to get you? Sheesh.....cut the cord between you two and send it back to her w/warm feelings. That helps greatly:)
Jan. 19th, 2005 05:08 am (UTC)
>Talking about whether we need some sort of a finalization ceremony, some sort of a ritualistic event to mark the psychological end of the relationship.

[deep breath]


Okay... I'm better now...
Jan. 19th, 2005 06:20 am (UTC)
There's a lot to be said for a ritualistic conclusion to a relationship. Marriages begin with a ritual, and some sort of parting ritual could be a good psychological moment when you realize that it's all over and there's no going back.
Jan. 19th, 2005 10:44 am (UTC)
Okay, you know what? STOP BEING GAY. JUST STOP.

Stop overthinking, and eat some girl's pussy like a real man.

Seriously, you need to SHUT UP inside your head and make a lady feel good.

Jan. 19th, 2005 01:41 pm (UTC)
Another example of why motel666 needs to be more famous.

I think a "closure ceremony" is just another way of hanging on. There is the planning of it, the discussing of it, the chosing a venue, the shopping for clothes, the ceremony, the discussions after it, the emails ending "have a nice life" the following emails ending "have a nice life" the misunderstandings about something that happened during the ceremony, etc.

I am not as gifted as Her Blonditude, but I have tried to compose a good response to B. re: the closure ceremony. Do not change a word - I am a good writer.

Dear Barb.

This relationship is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If it wasn't buried under a guest room of your possesions it would be pushing up the daisies. Its metabolic processes are of interest only to historians. It's off the twig. It's kicked the bucket, it's shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-relationship.

Now go away before I taunt you a second time.
Jan. 19th, 2005 07:14 pm (UTC)
I'd rather eat some girl's pussy like a real woman. I think they do it betetr. :)
Jan. 19th, 2005 08:13 pm (UTC)
Depends on the lady. I've been with girls who've given me horrible, tentative head, and with guys who eat like they were born to suck clit.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, stop thinking and analyzing, and make a damn pass at the girl, already. She's probably wondering why the hell you don't like her that way! Prove her wrong. :)

Jan. 19th, 2005 09:00 pm (UTC)
I'll be seeing her this weekend.
Jan. 20th, 2005 10:39 pm (UTC)
*claps hands*

Yaay! :-) Sexual tension is nice... but it's *so* much better when it's finally resolved. :-) Have FUN! :-)
Jan. 20th, 2005 10:49 pm (UTC)
PS: After having read *all* of the comments under this thread, I had to smile. I'm very glad to see that you have good, thoughtful friends. Saveau, motel666, and the others here offer some *good* (healthy!) input, and are frank with sexuality and emotional stuff. Rob, I haven't met you, and don't know you (other than here), but I'm still very glad to see that you have a good bunch of people for support. :-)

*waves from the VERY cold Mitten State*
Jan. 21st, 2005 01:17 am (UTC)
You know what's embarrasing?

I just re-read this thread and relaized that your comments to NOT to purplesquirrel about the closure ceremony, but to Magicmarmot about the lady-friend-who-shall-remain-nameless.

And nobody had the heart to correct me. Very kind; I think I would have slunk out of sight in mortification.

But... you're still dead-on!
Jan. 21st, 2005 08:16 pm (UTC)
Methinks however that while the thought of giving the lady-friend-who-shall-remain-nameless a goot tongue lashing is appealing as all get out, the likelihood of that happening is somewhere around the chances of an impeachment of Emperor Palpatine.
Jan. 21st, 2005 01:18 am (UTC)
P.S. Please pardon the nasty spelling and grammatical errors that I didn't catch till after I clicked the POST COMMENT button.
Jan. 19th, 2005 12:58 pm (UTC)
>Stop overthinking, and eat some girl's pussy like a real man.

Squirrel? Motel666 is dead on.

I've known both magicmarmot and his ex for nigh on 20 years. I love 'em both... but she is seriously flaked in all this kind of thing.

A very recent example (and the partial subject of an as yet unfinished blog entry): I have an-ex friend whose semi-psychotic bullshit I finally got sick of and walked away from last year. Barb (magicmarmot's ex) is his current roommate. She has been his go-between in an attempt to rekindle this dead freindship. A couple of weeks ago I spent an hour with her on the phone detailing all the reasons I would never consider being friends with this person again. She sent me an email the next day that asked, "But would you at least consider it?"
I sighed, and sent her an excruciatingly long email in reply that explained in even more detail, and attached some of the ex-friend's emails to me along with point-by-point breakdowns of said emails. I said "No!" in every way I could think of.
She replied, "I'll send this email to him so I can be a filter of communication between you."
It ain't about rituals of closure. It's about prolonging all the unhealthy BS. Magicmarmot gets this (and I've had my recent pointed lesson), and is trying reeeeeally hard not to encourage her.
Seriously, dude; Let it go. He has.
Jan. 19th, 2005 02:46 pm (UTC)
She'll get it when she gets it.
I've known Barb for 31 years,and I've know Rob for something like twenty.

I love them both.

What is going on right now is the tweak-side of one of Barb's greatest strengths, and one of the reasons I love her.

We all have them. We all have to find our footing. We all need however much time it takes, and to hear as many times as it takes that it's time to get over things.

Rob's doing well because he's reaching out to the people around him for advice, support and input. I think Barb is starting to do that too...but cutting remarks aren't going to help her with that. (although I hope to God she has the sense to not read Rob's LJ)

Anyway, I guess that's all I have to say on the subject.

Except to say, Rob, I'm really, really proud of you.
Jan. 19th, 2005 07:01 pm (UTC)
Re: She'll get it when she gets it.
>cutting remarks aren't going to help her with that.

You are absolutely right.

Please allow me to say that I gnash my teeth only because it is less self-destructive than beating my forehead against a post.

I know that doesn't make anything above sound any nicer, or less hurtful. I also know that I don't have "the correct perspective" on Barb or Rob or what is or isn't happening between them; it's all way too personal and tangled up in everyone's subjectivity for that. I can only speak to the recent exchange I had, its relevance to the previous discussion, and the way it felt to me.
Jan. 19th, 2005 07:17 pm (UTC)
Re: She'll get it when she gets it.

I really didn't intend for this to become about Barb, I was more just blathering being stuck in an uncomfortably hot apartment with huge amounts of noise.
Jan. 20th, 2005 12:39 am (UTC)
Re: She'll get it when she gets it.

It wasn't aimed at you. Sorry if it seemed to be. I'm just you know...being me and doing what I do. Can't sit by and let people I've never met dis my friend without opening my big mouth.

I also realize that what is going on here is the role of true friends everywhere...and they're doing what they're supposed to...mainly cheering you on and doing the pep-talk thing, and it's not actually about her. It's about you doing what you have to do to get where you need to go. And I think that's great. It's just hard for me, as a friend, to hear.

I've seen her go toe-to-toe to defend you, and me, and Rick. She doesn't back down when she thinks she's right. She doesn't give up when she thinks a friend has been misjudged. She doesn't let go of something important that she thinks can be salvaged...even if it's not in it's original condition.

Like I said...the tweak-side of one of her greatest strengths. Also annoying. Also insane-making...but very, very Barb.
Jan. 21st, 2005 08:28 pm (UTC)
Crunchy, with a chewy center.
Understood, and your comments are always welcome-- I know from whence they come. :)

Unfortunately there are no hard-and-fast answers, no easy solutions. I do listen to what people have to say, because I know that I am unable to be objective at this point, and other people's views give me another frame of reference.

Also, while I do try to be fair to Barb, I don't attempt to disguise the fact that this journal is entirely self-centered. It needs to be for me, because I need a place where I can throw down what I struggle with in my head without filters.

Not everything that happens makes it to the journal. And that's probably a good thing, though I don't know if it's good for me to keep some of the crap to myself.

Not having a good day. Bleah.
Jan. 22nd, 2005 04:29 am (UTC)
Re: She'll get it when she gets it.
>I've seen her go toe-to-toe to defend you, and me, and Rick. She doesn't back down when she thinks she's right. She doesn't give up when she thinks a friend has been misjudged. She doesn't let go of something important that she thinks can be salvaged...even if it's not in it's original condition.

True. Powerfully true. And I have never ceased to be grateful to her for that. Nor will I ever. I thanked her again for it a couple of weekends ago.
Jan. 19th, 2005 07:59 pm (UTC)
It's over when it's over
I gnashed my teeth for a good long while after I left my ex. You know -- the whole thing about guilt, and missing, and closure, and so on and so forth.

Then, after a while, I forgot to grieve. And then, when I realized I had forgotten to grieve, I realized that it was actually over.

Love takes time to grow. It also takes it's time leaving. And, you don't usually know until it's gone.

I still think about Scott, and hope he's doing all right, and know that he's not (since he's not taking his medication), and realize that I can't do anything about it. But, that's okay.
Jan. 19th, 2005 09:13 pm (UTC)
It's over when it's not under
I know that eventually it will dissipate like fog on a cold morning. But I've never had a serious relationship end and still keep in contact with the other person before. There's a mushiness to it that defies finality. New territory for me.
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )

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