Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam
magicmarmot

Unrealistic expectations.

I was playing on the web, hesitating about filling out a love.com profile. I had actually started, and part way through, I heard the little voice inside my head saying "what the hell are you doing?".

Not doing the relationship thing. Not for a while at least. And when it came to the what are you looking for box, I realized that if I were going to be completely honest, it was going to be rather ugly:

I'm looking for a woman of great beauty. Not just in the physical sense of the word, though that is important, but an emotional and spiritual beauty that shines through her being like sunlight through a stained glass window. A woman of confidence and self-assuredness, sense of humor and intelligence, patience and passion. A woman who understands the Little Black Dress, and the smile that is meant for only me, with a kind and generous nature that can accept friends who need to crash on the couch with a smile and a spare blanket. A woman who likes to play, who understands that dogs belong on the furniture, and that soft kisses in the morning can make it wonderful all day long.

Sounds nice, doesn't it? This is the woman-in-my-head, the invisible partner that I see myself with in those not-quite-awake moments in the morning.

And then I realize that this is a reflection of the ideal me, put through a woman filter. The things that I prize in myself, that I desire in myself.

And my world turns sideways.

Introspection can be a bitch.



Here are the ten worst relationship-sabotagers. And if the first few look dumb and obvious, keep reading; before you get to the end of the list, one or more may hit pretty close to home.

  1. that the right man/woman will fix my life

  2. that he/she will be totally loving and totally attentive, yet remain mysterious

  3. women -- that he will be better and smarter in every way

  4. women -- that he will call all the shots and make all the moves

  5. men -- that she'll naturally be better at domestic chores

  6. men -- that she'll also be less capable at everything else

  7. that if it's true love, he/she will know what I want without me having to ask

  8. that he/she will change what I don't like and instead, do what I want

  9. or if not, that the "little things" which irritate me will get better in some other way

  10. that the relationship will remain the same



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