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Unrealistic expectations.

I was playing on the web, hesitating about filling out a love.com profile. I had actually started, and part way through, I heard the little voice inside my head saying "what the hell are you doing?".

Not doing the relationship thing. Not for a while at least. And when it came to the what are you looking for box, I realized that if I were going to be completely honest, it was going to be rather ugly:

I'm looking for a woman of great beauty. Not just in the physical sense of the word, though that is important, but an emotional and spiritual beauty that shines through her being like sunlight through a stained glass window. A woman of confidence and self-assuredness, sense of humor and intelligence, patience and passion. A woman who understands the Little Black Dress, and the smile that is meant for only me, with a kind and generous nature that can accept friends who need to crash on the couch with a smile and a spare blanket. A woman who likes to play, who understands that dogs belong on the furniture, and that soft kisses in the morning can make it wonderful all day long.

Sounds nice, doesn't it? This is the woman-in-my-head, the invisible partner that I see myself with in those not-quite-awake moments in the morning.

And then I realize that this is a reflection of the ideal me, put through a woman filter. The things that I prize in myself, that I desire in myself.

And my world turns sideways.

Introspection can be a bitch.



Here are the ten worst relationship-sabotagers. And if the first few look dumb and obvious, keep reading; before you get to the end of the list, one or more may hit pretty close to home.

  1. that the right man/woman will fix my life

  2. that he/she will be totally loving and totally attentive, yet remain mysterious

  3. women -- that he will be better and smarter in every way

  4. women -- that he will call all the shots and make all the moves

  5. men -- that she'll naturally be better at domestic chores

  6. men -- that she'll also be less capable at everything else

  7. that if it's true love, he/she will know what I want without me having to ask

  8. that he/she will change what I don't like and instead, do what I want

  9. or if not, that the "little things" which irritate me will get better in some other way

  10. that the relationship will remain the same



Dont Scream at Babies!

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
revdj
Feb. 9th, 2005 01:02 pm (UTC)
But I WANT
I want 1, 2, 5, 7, 8, and 9.
I don't understand how ANY man could want 6.
mesmericone
Feb. 9th, 2005 02:33 pm (UTC)
I stopped mid-profile at eharmony. I am like, what the fuck am I doing? *hugs* bah...it is the stupid holiday and all the love stuff that is out clouding your brain.

With that said, I do love romantic stuff, I just put on this facade sometimes....proably to protect myself. bah.
autodidactic
Feb. 9th, 2005 03:14 pm (UTC)
1.) Got over that. I fix my own. Mostly I want men to keep their grubby paws off my life. I need a partner, not a manager.

2.) Fuck "mysterious". All mysterious ever brings is your money "mysteriously" disappearing out of your wallet, or "mysterious" women calling at 3 in the morning.

3.) I'm not threatened if he's smarter, but he better not be with me because I'm not as smart as him. Even if he were an Antonio Banderas clone with a six inch prehensile tongue, I'd kick him in the nuts if I found out he was with me because he couldn't stand to have a woman be smarter than him. (Likewise, I can't have any man be that less intelligent than me. Also, there's the little matter of EQ.)

4.) If any guy was that domineering, I sure as shit wouldn't date him. Again with the whole "manager" thing. I like my decision making skills these days. I don't need a daddy.

5.) I am naturally better. Most people aren't clean enouggh for me. He can cook, instead. I set toast on fire.

6.) I never understood a man who was so threatened by a capable woman that he actively sought a passive, dull woman. I can (and do) change my own oil and tires. Some things he'll be better at (like that whole cooking thing), and some things I'll be better at, and it'll all be good.

7.) Even if I were psychic, I'd certainly use it for something useful like freaking people out or making some money on late night television, or passing really hard tests. I certainly wouldn't use it to wear a certain skirt or suck a bit harder there. Those, he'll just have to come out and tell me. Likewise, I'll have to tell him, too.

8.) Everyone wants that, all the time, in every relationship, not just the romantic ones. We get over it with maturity.

9.) The little things will grow unless you either cope with their presence, compromise with the culprit, or leave if his leaving the cap off the toothpaste really is that unbearable.

10.) Nothing remains the same. NOTHING. Even dead people turn into compost, which eventually turns into flowers, which eventually get incorporated into bees and hives, which eventually get harvested for their honey, which eventually gets sold at Rainbow, which eventually ends up in the stomach of a pregnant woman, which eventually gets incorporated into her fetus, which eventually pops out and grows up, and eventually demands consistency from the world around him.

A.
theatre_nerd
Feb. 9th, 2005 05:57 pm (UTC)
So true! I know that more so now that I am married. I am finding those facts to be truer and truer each day!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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