Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam
magicmarmot

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Exhausted after work on Friday, beat to a small pile of crap. Loaded up the truck with various things to bring home, made it out of Des Moines at about 7:00. The drive is I think better at night. Or maybe it's just that the music is better.
Got home, Barb was there. We talked a bit, I blew off steam about work, and I cuddled with the dog.


Saturday:
Slept in, which was a good thing. Took Barb to Applebees for lunch; we talked about movies a lot. Or rather, I talked and she listened.
Back home, I set up the saw and cut the dolly trucks into four-inch lengths, then set up the grinder and took down the rough edges (and did a bit of aesthetic cleanup on the crappy welding job). Cleaned up and had enough time left over to hit the liquor stor and pick up a couple of bottles of Fat Bastard before heading down to Kristianne's for a reiki session.
I've never experienced reiki before. I have a particular trust of Kristianne, so I was open to anything.
I was not prepared for what happened.
Kristianne has a talent. She was making my brain experience a whole bunch of things across the sensory domain, finding particular trouble spots that I knew about, and generally putting me through the wringer with a laying-on-of-hands.
After I turned ofer and was laying on my stomach, apparently I drifted off to sleep a couple of times, or at least got into a deep state. Hugely visual, but tactile as well-- being able to feel particular shapes inside my body where things were blocked-- it was weird.
I wasn't perpared to need recovery time. She managed to unblock a deep well of grief and loneliness that I had been carrying around, and I ended up huddling on a couch for about an hour before I could move again. Yes, it was that intense.
There were moments during the session that I could feel her presence as being ultimately feminine, and a dark part of me responded to that femininity (not in a sexual way) with a desire to posess. That is so far removed from me in actuality, it was a little freaky. Don't get me wrong, Kristianne is an absolutely stunningly beautiful woman, but she's married to a really neat guy and has a couple of kids, and they're friends. She's the sweetest most caring person that I know, and there is absolutely no floozery there at all. And I am not posessive at all, never have been. This was a completely animal feeling, like I was being ridden in the Baron Samedhi sense.
And later when I went into the bathroom, I was surprised at the reflection; for an instant, I didn't recognize myself.
I'm still processing the effects. More on that later.
I made it to Thom & Sheryl's almost two hours later than planned. We still had a good meeting, talking about future projects and what surprises are in store. This is actually a lot more promising than anticipated, and something could be happening right damn quick.
And of course, there was the snow. By the time we wrapped, it was 1:00-- I was supposed to go over to Rocky & Teresa's, but it was way too late, and I was emotionally drained and sensitive and too damn tired. I went home.


Sunday:
Barb hadn't come back from Rocky & Teresa's. I figured that the snow was probably partly to blame for that. So Sadie and I went outside to shovel and play in the snow. Sadie loves snow, and she loves to play the "let's shovel snow onto the dog" game, so it did make the chore of shoveling a lot more fun than normal. I packed up the vehicle and spent some last few minutes cuddling with the pooch before I had to leave.
I thought about heading to R & T's to say goodbye to Pepper, who is getting put to sleep (she is 15, and on her last legs), but I just couldn't do it. I'm still deeply raw and grief-stricken, and I was just bawling like a baby in the 'Sploder while I was driving. Had I gone to the house, I would have had a complete breakdown. I called instead, and I still had to cut the call short because I couldn't talk.
I cried all the way down to Owatonna. I think I just exhausted myself.
I'm still really vulnerable.
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