I don't suppose it matters. I'm on short time here now, even though I
have tasks scheduled into May; there are others who can handle those
tasks. Newer guys, fresher, more energetic. My focus needs to travel to
my own issues and responsibilities: packing, paying bills, taxes.
I just updated my resume, and added a cover page that goes into a little
more depth on my strengths and interests and what I'm looking for. I
don't know if that's a good thing or not, but it would certainly seem to
be information that might make for better fits.
It's not like I don't know what I'm doing. It's when I try to explain
how something works or how it could be made better, it's like I'm
insulting the people. The Way It Has Always Been Done(tm) is
the One True Way, and nothing shall sway us from that path. And
really, I don't want to put any more energy into it. This is not my
product. It is not my design, nor will it even really have any of my
ideas in it when all is said and done. And I suppse that's disappointing
in a way.
I'd really like to feel like I made a difference somehow, like the work
that I've done has been something good, and I can be proud of what has
come of it. Not so in this case. I'm kind of ashamed to have been
associated with this project. And that's just so wrong I can't even
begin to describe it.
I'm tired of the industry. There are too many gotta-have-it-now products
out there, too many companies where quality just isn't a priority. It's
all about time-to-market, shareholder value, short-term profits.
I know what I need to do. I just don't know how to get there from here.
If I had time, I could probably pull it together, but with a house in
disrepair and ongoing expenses, I need to be working full-time on
something that pays well. And that will likely be engineering for the
forseeable future. Working for the man. Selling my soul little bits at a
I really need to have my own company, or at least be partnered with some
folks of like-minded intent who can run a business. I am good at the
technical end, and I can make some dandy things that have a market for
them, but I can't do that and handle all of the myriad business details.
I don't have the talent or the energy for that. And to really do that, I
need to have a product (or products) ready to go, ready to manufacture,
ready to sell. Or a patron with deep enough pockets to support a year or
two's worth of R&D and running a company.
I dream of being a working filmmaker, but outside of a minor miracle,
making a living at it is a dream that comes from a pipe. I don't need
I like the idea of working in the industry. Creating quality devices to
help low-budget filmmakers out. The dolly, the butterfly frames, the
crane, lighting... These are all things that are useful and that I see a
market niche for.
I just need some space to breathe, and I don't think I'm gonna get it.