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Let the sun shine in

Dang. It's 70 degrees and sunny today here in the land of pigs and corn.
It's the kind of day that makes you want to go outside and frolic with
puppies.


It's time to talk about women again. Must be a day that ends in "y".

This weekend, a friend of mine told me that I shouldn't be setting my
sights on a supermodel, that I should be more "realistic".

First of all, I was floored that she thought I was "setting my sights"
at all. I've talked to her a lot about wimmin and my carnal desires and
everything in between. I think that what had happened is that during the
early phases of healing when I was telling her that I'd drop my healing
time for either Angelina Jolie or Milla Jovovich, she took me in a more
literal sense.
But the other part of it is that she thinks I should "date within my age
range"; when I asked her what that range should be she put a minimum age
at 25.
Hell, I'm fine with that. Really I'm not that focused on age-- there is
a lot that I consider to be more important-- but in general there comes
a depth with being a little older that I find appealing. And yes, that
is a huge generalization, but we're talking substance over style here.

I tried talking to her about that. I don't know if I got through. I came
to it from the viewpoint of passion, that for me to seriously consider
someone as having potential, they would have to have a passion for
something. This rapidly deteriorated into a conversation about what
really horrible things they could be passionate about that I would
reject out of hand: stamp collecting and scrapbooking came up, and then
it just got ugly and went way off-point into OCD and fajitas.

She may just be trying to keep me from looking foolish, and I do
appreciate that. But you know, if I found a 22-year-old supermodel who
had passion and depth and there was chemistry there, I'm not gonna sit
back and go "well, I'd better not date her because she's not 25 yet".

Not that there are any 22 year old supermodels waiting in the wings for
me or anything. I put that in the same category as the winning lottery
ticket: nice to dream about, but not good to plan your life around.

And I wonder if I should try to dispel the idea that I am purely
enamored of physical beauty. I am to a point, and I believe that
everyone is to some degree influenced by their environment; when you're
steeped in images of airbrushed perfection, it's impossible not to be.
But the reality of it is that it is substance that has longevity.
I am much much more attracted to women who are creative and do
interesting and esoteric things than I am swimsuit models. Don't get me
wrong: I will look at the swimsuit models and be very
appreciative and enjoy their tight toned bodies, and I would even
socially date one or six. But for something that has deeper meaning and
longevity, there needs to be something there behind the door.

But I do have a balance point. Physical appearance does have importance,
and it does get weighed in with everything else. And self-confidence is
tangled up with appearance in such a way that confidence and charisma
come across as sexy.

There is a whole "Girl Next Door" vibe that I really like. That phrase
means a lot of different things to different people, but to me it evokes
the image of the girl that's not the beauty queen or the popular girl
that is all absorbed in how she looks and who the social "in" crowd is;
nor is she some deformed and hideous creature that must lurk below the
surface of the streets during the day for fear of scaring young
children.
On the pretty side of plain. Bilateral symmetry, facial construction
ratios within normal parameters, HBH ratio of < 1.8, that kind of thing.
More active than passive.


And as one of my coworkers said today:

No brain, no pain.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
lexinatrix
Mar. 28th, 2005 10:35 pm (UTC)
If you ever use the term "wimmin" again, I'll personally kick your ass! I got plenty of THAT bullshit in a women's college, thanks.

Of all the men I've known, (and that's a lot! *rimshot*) you're one who really tries to understand his preferences. You've processed a lot of cycles on what you find visually stimulating versus what you find intellectually stimulating and emotionally complementary.

You know what you like and the type of person you want to be in a relationship with. You also will know when you're ready to get out there and find that person. Don't be concerned with looking silly.

Looking silly would be like my father: he's got a "girlfriend" overseas who is 23. That's EIGHT YEARS YOUNGER than me. THAT is silly, my dear.
magicmarmot
Mar. 29th, 2005 01:58 am (UTC)
The use of the term was intentional because the friend who was trying to give me advice was a "wymyns study" major before she got her masters in art.

But thanks for the vote of confidence.
alisgray
Mar. 29th, 2005 03:33 am (UTC)
she sounds insecure.
magicmarmot
Mar. 29th, 2005 04:09 am (UTC)
She might be. I think if I hooked up with someone prettier than her, she might be upset.

Don't really know though.
lexinatrix
Mar. 29th, 2005 02:58 pm (UTC)
As someone who took women's studies courses at Smith College... I have great disdain for your friend, now.


And you're welcome.
(Anonymous)
Mar. 29th, 2005 02:39 pm (UTC)
At the risk of angering you, I have to ask a question: If the girlfriend in question genuinely makes your father happy, why should he care whether people think it's silly or not?

Just an observation.

Avindair
(Anonymous)
Mar. 29th, 2005 02:42 pm (UTC)
"No brain, no pain" reminds me of this lyric from "Wicked":

"Dancing through life,
Skimming the surface
Riding where surf(?) is smooth

Life is painless
For the brainless
Why think too hard
When it's so easy"

Thought I'd share.

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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