Grease down, biotch.
They say that an elephant never forgets. But do elephants forgive?
When I was younger, I did some things that weren't particularly nice, or
selfless, and I caused other people pain. It was a long time ago, before
I discovered how that pain felt. Since then, I've tried to be
understanding and compassionate, and I think I've done well in that
I do regret those things that I did, but there is really nothing that I
can do about them now. I can only go forward and try to be the best
person I know how to be.
I have learned that sometimes there is no right and wrong. Sometimes you
have to decide between paths where there is no clear-cut solution, only
consequences. And sometimes the harder choice is better in the end.
The past year-plus has involved a lot of introspection, a lot of
soul-searching and navel-gazing, a lot of fretting and worrying,
bitching and moaning, crying and screaming. It's hard for me to look
back and try and figure out if I've grown as a person through all of
this. That will be primarily determined through my actions in the next
phase of my life, which is rapidly approaching.
One thing that has been a particular bitch is learning how to be more
responsible for things in my life. That's something that has been
stunted in my life, and it's not a comfortable thing at all. Yet it's
something that I have to do. Taking control of all of my finances,
repairing the Big Broken Box(tm), exercising regularly, things like
I'm still afraid of making a blind leap in career. I hate that fear
still rules a part of my life, but it's also not an unreasonable fear. I
need to make progress, but caution is necessary, and I need to make new
contacts and have something to proceed with, be it a movie or two or
something more tangible.
Security is important to me. I'd like to be financially secure, and
never again have to worry about money, making payments to anyone, doctor
bills, health and disability insurance-- things like that. I've actually
been pretty good about money since I took over everything, and I might
actually be able to pay the taxes in one fell swoop, or at least most of
them. And if I am gainfully employed upon my return to civilization, the
trend can continue.
Completely different note: I went to CompUSA to pick up an external hard
drive for the laptop yesterday. I ended up getting a 250G Maxtor, but I
almost got a 500G LaCie-- half a terabyte in a box. I hemmed and hawed
over the choice for quite a while, but I ended up going with the 250G
Maxtor because I couldn't justify the additional expense at this time.
But while I was there, I saw something that really intrigued me:
external hard drives with a network interface. Basically a file server
that just sits on the network. That is exactly what I need for home, but
the sizes that they had were too small-- they only went up to 160G and
weren't expandable. I'd like to be able to have a terabyte of storage
that is available to all the machines on the network, and have it be
(Why so much? Media files take up a lot of room. Particularly if I'm
going to be getting into HD editing, that's a whopping lot of data. In
the reasonable future, I can foresee DVCPRO50 data rates at 50Mb/s with
many many hours of video onlinen as well as effect presets, sound
effects and the like.)
But I really like the idea of the plug-n-play file server. Gigabit
ethernet, fast cache, and minimal setup. No muss, no fuss, bada-boom
bada-bing, it's done.
Of course, how to actually back up a terabyte of data is another
I feel like a broken record. The same things keep runing through my
head. Same issues, same problems, can't really do anything about them
until I'm back home. Then again, I suppose that means I do have a little
bit of play time down here once I get done with the cleaning and taxes
I did get a big-ass rolling trash can at Home Despot yesterday, along
with a dustpan with a long handle so I don't have to bend over as much
to sweep up the crap. Unfortunately, most of the crap is too big for the
dustpan, so it's still a lot of bending which makes my back not so
happy. But the trash can takes 55-gallon drum liners perfectly, so I can
fill up with a minimum of trips to the dumpster. They did something
really annoying with the layout where I can almost throw stuff from my
porch into the dumpster, but to actually get to it I have to go the full
length of the building twice and then some. It's inconvenient and
annoying, and I shouldn't have to deal with it: there should be magical
garbage fairies that make it all go away without my intervention.
Which reminds me of the Big Broken Box(tm) again. I have a ton of
bricks-- literally-- that I need to remove from the mortar that they are
lodged in without destroying the bricks. The bricks are actually more
fragile than the mortar is. I'm thinking muriatic acid might do the
trick since the bricks are fired clay and the mortar is a cement
product, but I will actually have to try it to see how well it works.
And there will still have to be some hammer-and-chisel work done to make
the large pieces more manageable. And there is a lot of crap in the
backyard that needs to be cleaned up: brush, construction debris, and
some loose trash that was uncovered by the snow melt. And large piles of
black dirt that need to be sifted and contained until they can be
re-used. I will be needing help in the manual labor sense, which will
likely mean some sort of a party where there is beer and pizza (or
nachos and margaritas) at the end of the day for those willing to get
down and dirty.
It says something that I'm actually looking forward to the work. It's
actually doing something to fix the Big Broken Box(tm), it's
accomplishing something major, it's becoming active rather than passive.
It's working with my hands, being outside. It's being away from the Land
of Pigs and Corn.
Soon. Very soon.