If you wanna be my lover
You gotta get with my friends...
I've been pretty reluctant to sign up with any online dating or
personals websites. Part of this I suppose is that I've always kind of
had this feeling that online personals were the vestige of the desperate
Well, as I've flirted with the desperate and needy moniker, I've come to
appreciate them more and more as a way to possibly meet someone from a
wider selection of more available women.
When you think about it, most of the women who sign up with a dating or
personals site are actually available.
Note that Available and Desirable are two different
I've looked at a lot of them. And though there are a lot of different
flavors, for the most part they've left me a little squicky, like I'm on
display in a meat market. None of them have been really comfortable
enough for me to hang around with.
Until I came across OkCupid.
I think I got linked to it originally from a quiz. I started looking
around, and it clicked for me. They do matches, but it's
something that you have to really initiate, so if you're not really
looking for anything, you can just kinda hang. The matching algorithm is
one that I really like too-- it's based on a set of questions that is
huge (over 1700 at last count), most of which are submitted by the
actual people who use OkCupid. You don't need to answer them all, but
the more you answer, the better your sampling and the more accurate your
match can be.
If you find someone that you like, you can do a comparison and see a set
of categories and how you each did, see where you're more and less
compatible. It's the kind of thing I understand and can appreciate.
The questions can be pretty hard. There is everything from trivia
questions to questions of ethics to mathematical and science problems.
You choose your answer, and select from the available answwers which
ones you'd prefer your potential match to answer, then weight that
question on how important it is to you. It's kind of like you get to set
up a template for the person that you'd like to meet, and OKC will grade
potential matches for you.
Each person that has subscribed to the site has an info page where they
put the basic information: pictures, interest essays, that kind of
Periodically, if you choose, OKC will send you an e-mail with a list of
potential matches in your area. Most of the time, I just look at each
one's info page and continue on. Occasionally I will run the
compatibility check. Rarely do I actually consider contacting anybody.
Like once. Yesterday. Top of the most recent match list, a woman who
presents herself really well on her info page, sense of humor and
intelligence being right up there, likes science fiction... What the
hell, what have I got to lose by saying hello?
No response yet. Don't know if I'll get one. Even if I do, I don't know
what it will entail, it could be a complete disaster. It could be nice.
I could just make a new friend.
But I've actually made a step here. I guess I really didn't think about
that until today. Might not be a big deal to you, but it signifies a
kind of coming-out-of-my-shell milestone.