Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam
magicmarmot

Invisible Woman

My left ear is plugged. It's really annoying. It doesn't hurt, it just
feels like it has water in it, like I went swimming, except the water
isn't coming out. It's probably crap from the cold.


I really have a craving for sitting on the couch, cuddling with my
woman, and watching movies. I can visualize it. It's weird in that I can
almost see her, like there's this woman-shaped void that I'm cuddling
with. It's even a little creepy, like cuddling a ghost.
Maybe it's the anti-woman.

It's not like there is one primary woman in my life. There are several
women that I know and consider friends, and even some that I would enjoy
cuddling with. But I'm not dating any of them. I'm not "coupled" with
anyone. And right now I'm okay with that, it's just that occasionally it
would be nice to have a night of curling up with the woman of my dreams
and having the rest of the world go away for just a little while.

Seems like such a waste.

Maybe it's just an artifact of the plonking loneliness that I feel down
here. Maybe I just feel like relaxing, and the invisible woman is
ghosting in because that part of my life is still causing me stress.
Maybe it's just that I feel like being comforted.

It's hard to say. It could be a combination of everything.

I wonder about dating. It's been a long time since I've been on a "real"
date (real meaning that there was actually the potential for
relationship), and I'm a little rusty. I know that the basics haven't
changed. And I feel pretty good about my ability to handle conversation
on a pretty wide variety of topics.

I think the hardest part is knowing when to ask a woman out.

See, I'm pretty oblivious when it comes to knowing when someone likes
me, or likes me "in that way", or at least enough that she would be open
to going out. And for a while at least, I'm not into getting too deeply
involved with anyone, so any dating would be pretty casual and
friend-oriented. Like "Hey, wanna go see a movie?" or "Let's go bowling"
or dinner somewhere nice. Company. Companionship. Learning about
somebody new.

But at the same time, I crave something more physical. Not necessarily
sex (though that would be nice), but touching. Snuggling. Caressing.
Genuine affection.

To me, that is something that should come naturally if a couple of
people find each other compatible, and it could build over time
together. What makes me a little worried is that the craving may
overwhelm good sense. Or that by worrying about it, I may overcompensate
and miss out on a good thing.

I know that everyone is different and has different needs and desires,
and has different ways of expressing themselves, and nobody has a window
into their brain so that you can see how they feel. And that's probably
what makes it the most difficult.

I'm truly a nice guy. I am sweet and funny, and I try to communicate
honestly and openly. I don't want to hide behind an image, or mislead
you into thinking I'm something I'm not. And I know that's not what
everybody wants-- hell, I don't think that most women really want that--
but it's real. And I want the same in return. I don't think that's
asking for too much, but it is out of the norm.

Then again, if I was interested in "normal" women, I probably would be
happy in Iowa. And you probably wouldn't like me as much as you do.

So here's a couple of questions for the women:

How do you let a guy know when you're interested in him, or when you're
not?
Do you feel comfortable asking a guy for a date?
When do you know that you feel comfortable with more affectionate
touching?


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