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I'm awake for no good reason.

Feeling a sense of cognitive dissonance, impending doom coming from all directions at once. Sense of identity changing, morphing into something other than it once was.

The bedroom is kind of reflecting that. It's odd how centric the room is becoming; I can feel it becoming a sort of extension of my walls of the self. It's not entirely there, but it's closer somehow.

I've changed. The last year-plus has had an effect on who I am, moreso than any other period in my life that I can remember. I'm both more in need of human companionship and less desiring of it than I have ever been.

There is a blankness. Sectors to be written. Volumes to be inscribed.

Reprogramming.

A time of caution, but a time of motion. Risk and reward, crime and punishment.

I cannot be all things to all people. I can only be some things to some, and one thing to one.

The white rabbit beckons...

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
azul_ros
May. 14th, 2005 10:20 am (UTC)
It's a time of uncertainty & change right now. It's normal to feel out of sorts. You got pretty comfortable while you were out of town doing that job. It will settle back down eventually into another kind of comfort zone.
I go through periods of wanting to be around people & wanting to be left alone all the damned time!!! Sometimes I think it'd be nice to talk to someone when I come home, like it was way back when I had roommates. Then I also feel like it'd be a huge hassle & headache. It's somewhere in the middle, in all honesty.

Sometimes I think I'm too anti-social! Without my online outlets I don't think I'd actually communicate with many of my "friends" much at all. In fact, I know that is true. I have a handfull of very close friends who still live in Tucson. It's gotten to where I might get an e-mail once every 3 months from two of them. One of them I haven't talked to in over a year and half! The other one has been dating a guy who lives up here so we've had more contact in the last 2 months than we've had in the previous year.
magicmarmot
May. 14th, 2005 05:08 pm (UTC)
I suppose it's inevitable that I settle down into something more routine, but for right now it feels weird as hell.

I'm thinking about getting a roommate. I don't know if that's a good idea or not, though I'm leaning away from it until I settle down a bit.
saveau
May. 14th, 2005 05:48 pm (UTC)
>I'm thinking about getting a roommate. I don't know if that's a good idea or not, though I'm leaning away from it until I settle down a bit.

No roommate yet. Maybe someday... but first make sure you are defined in your own space on your own terms.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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