Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam


Long-ish talk with the Sasha last night. Lots of varied subjects, but some in-depth stuff dealing with love, sex, and desire.

I've been having some qualms about the whole concept of love vs. sex vs. intimacy, and we talked at some length about it. We both agreed that there was a separation of love and sex, but the concept of intimacy is a bit more elusive.

She had me describe what I thought of as intimacy, and the things I was craving; I talked about my desire to please a woman, to cuddle and snuggle, to wake up next to her and see the look in her face that makes me know that she wants to be there.

She said "it sounds like you want to be desired."

And it was like the sound of a great combination lock tumbling into place.

Yes indeed, that brings a lot of light onto the vague concept of intimacy. Mutual trust and desire, true affection, all kind of wrapped into one.

Three prongs then: affection, sex, and desire. I suppose a fourth prong would be trust, but I'm having a hard time dealing with the other concepts without trust, because that would be a truly fucked-up relationship. Then again, I suppose missing any of the others would be just as fucked up, so four prongs it is:

  1. Affection
  2. Trust
  3. Desire
  4. Sex

I guess that would make this the Fork of Love.

(Opening this up for discussion here-- this isn't the be-all end-all of information, but a jumping-off place. I don't know if it's right, it's more just testing to see if it feels right.)

The downside ifs that where the concept of intimacy-- though elusive-- seemed to be something that I could achieve. Desire is something outside of my control. I can do what I can to be more desirable, but there is a big step between being desirable and being desired.

It bugs me that this thing that I crave is something that is so far out of my control. That's messed up.


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