?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Trust = Pain


Fuckers.

Bad mood rising. Today is the kind of day that I'd want to just stay home and stay in bed, except it wouldn't do any good. Then I'd just be pissed off in bed.

Anger and frustration, pain and wale. It's been building for a time, and yesterday I think it burst like some festering abcess, spewing vitriol and pus and hate. I thought that today it would subside, but it didnt; it only changed form, and now lives like a stone in my gut.

I invite pain. I invite destruction. I invite punishment. I let them in like a pig in a straw house, and when they try to eat me I run screaming. I am chewed, ground into infinity, and spat upon the darkness.

There will always be other pigs.

I am broken. Something inside doesn't work anymore. I wanted to know how to fix it, but I now know that it can't be fixed. It is gone, a piece is missing, destroyed.

Laugh and I'll break your head, fucker.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
lexinatrix
Jun. 10th, 2005 02:32 pm (UTC)
I invite pain. I invite destruction. I invite punishment.

I think this is an interesting observation. Especially in light of the "testing" concept of putting yourself in situations where you're ill-equipped to cope. Then you beat yourself up for not withstanding the temptation/chaos better. Do you believe you deserve this?
magicmarmot
Jun. 10th, 2005 03:09 pm (UTC)
At this point, I can't make a clear observation. I have no objectivity. There could very well be some part of me that feels that I do indeed deserve this, but I can't really identify it.
My head is full of chaos and randomness and noise. It's like being inside of a tornado, with cows and trailer houses flying around in here with me and no frame of reference for up or down.

The anger surprises me. Not so much that it exists, but that it is directed outward, not inward.
azul_ros
Jun. 10th, 2005 07:07 pm (UTC)
The anger surprises me. Not so much that it exists, but that it is directed outward, not inward.

That's a good direction to go. Sometimes we do need to rexamine our own part we play with others however. Blaming others will not always show us the honest truth that we probably need to see & understand. Sorry things aren't going too good now. They will change. That is the only solace I can offer that is truthful. :/
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

Latest Month

April 2012
S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930     

Tags

Page Summary

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow