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Objectification in action

From Dr. Oblivioso's Little Book of Love

Women are like Cars.

  1. Some of 'em are fast and curvy, and hug the road. Others are big and sturdy and utilitarian.

  2. The fast ones are expensive and the first ones to be stolen.

  3. Most of the time, a used one is a better deal. Newer models are more expensive.

  4. They all require maintenance and upkeep.

  5. If you're vigilant and understand how to perform basic maintenance, they can last a long time.

  6. If she overheats, be sure to give her time to cool down.

  7. Getting muddy can be fun.

  8. Wash them with some regularity; a clean one performs better.

  9. Once in a while, they need a good wax job.

  10. Headlights.

  11. Sometimes you need to add lubricant.

  12. Bad gas makes them smell funny.

  13. If you have too much to drink, you shouldn't try to drive.

  14. Before you buy one, take her for a test drive.

  15. If you rent one, rent from a reputable agency. Otherwise you don't know what you might get.

  16. I'd like to test drive a Maserati, but I wouldn't want to pay for one. 

  17. Good rubber can help prevent accidents.

  18. A soft, cushy interior is nice to be in. 

  19. With too much junk in the trunk, the rear end sags. A good mechanic can fix this.

  20. When the front end sags too much, you need some support. 

  21. Check her dipstick regularly.

  22. Make sure you have a spare, and that it's properly inflated.

  23. If you have more than one car, don't park them in the same spot.

  24. When she gets too old, you can trade her in for a new model.

  25. When she squeals, it's time to check the brakes.

  26. Once in a while, vaccuum the carpet.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 20th, 2005 04:58 pm (UTC)
Jul. 20th, 2005 05:17 pm (UTC)
Doctor Oblivioso is always charming. He is the Doctor of Love.
Jul. 20th, 2005 06:14 pm (UTC)
I admit, I giggled at some of those visuals.
Jul. 20th, 2005 07:19 pm (UTC)
I'm still not sure about "Check the brakes"...
Jul. 20th, 2005 06:51 pm (UTC)
Hey, I know you're not feeling well, exhausted, and the whole ball of wax, but could you try not to crash instantly when you get home so I could get a power saw from you? Like around 6?
Jul. 20th, 2005 06:56 pm (UTC)
Sho' thing. It's not a chainsaw, but it'll do much more damage than a hand saw.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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