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I'm GOTH and EVIL!

Ganked with glee from revdj

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. I also wear Convergence T shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish. I wear just the right amount, thank you.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs. (not so much anymore...)

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. (Count Dracula cereal?)

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) I count Harry Potter DVDs.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. Considering the leeway of what they consider Satanic, I'm pretty sure I'd fit right in.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. (I just don't think my dancing would be considered provocative or sexual. Really.)

-Expresses an interest in sex. Um, duh?

-Masturbates. Vote early, vote often.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. Philosophy?

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases:

"I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth". (How about "My Plot or Yours?")

-Claims to be a goth. Nah. I just dig hot goth babes.

They forgot such criteria as "uses human skulls as decoration" "Has a ready supply of tombstones", and "makes cadavers in spare time".


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 30th, 2005 04:34 pm (UTC)
"Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports."

I didn't know you had a DECLINING interest - I thought your interest had bottomed out.

(I also didn't know you played videos games. My video gaming is mostly non-satanic these days, unfortunately.
Jul. 30th, 2005 04:45 pm (UTC)
Declining, declined... I figure they're not too specific but the intent is there.

And I have Return to Castle Wolfenstein that I keep on the laptop for when I need my Nazi zombie fix, and Doom 3 and Half-life 2 on the machine upstairs. And I do so dig Halo LAN gaming. I think any of them qualify as violent.
Jul. 30th, 2005 08:19 pm (UTC)
You have to have a big party where we eat Count Chocula's cereal.

...and you have to invite me.
Jul. 30th, 2005 11:26 pm (UTC)
I think the next big party that I'm having is going to be a housewarming/rechristening party when it is no longer the Big Broken Box™. And you are invited, whenever that is.
Jul. 30th, 2005 07:23 pm (UTC)
*giggles* He went astray...

*grins* Hope you had FUN doing it, dear. ;-)
Jul. 30th, 2005 07:28 pm (UTC)
"Baiting" Fundies... now THERE'S a sport! :-)


I think I was up to ...um... 25 when I lost count, because I was laughing so hard.

*grins fiendishly*

Gotta go now.... I'd love to stay and chat (and giggle maniacally, as I am now) but I have to go speak to my evil spirits through meditation.

*drops into lotus and chants* OMMMMMMMMM

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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