- I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
- A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
- As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
- I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
- Today, I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
- I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
- As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
- I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
- I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
- Joan of Arc heard voices too.
- When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
- The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
- As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
- Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
- Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.
- Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
- I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
- I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
http://www.psych.upenn.edu/humor.html
