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I've heard from a couple of sources now a formula for calculating the minimum age of the age range that you should be dating.
Take your age, cut it in half, and add seven.

So for instance, if you are 20, the minimum age that you should be dating is ((20/2) + 7) = 17.

Using this formula and symmetry, a reasonable maximum would be your age plus half your age again, and subtract seven.

So again, if you're 20, the maximum age you should be dating is ((20 * 1.5) - 7) = 23.

It breaks down at for instance age 14. Some would argue that this is the minimum age that anybody should be dating, but I have to think that if a 14-year old is allowed to date that a 15-year old is probably not out of the question. And hell, when you're 60, it gives you a lot of leeway... 37 to 83. It kind of breaks down at the ends. Of course if you're in your mid-20's, it seems to give you a pretty good range, but that is one of the characteristics of trying to do a linear approximation of a non-linear function.

Okay, I'm not really a subscriber to this formula. I have always found age to be a bad measure of maturity, and I think that's a much better guide toward compatibility. For instance, my maturity model is somewhere in the mid-30's, peg it at 36. Sweep the formula here and my dating maturity capability age range runs from 25 to 47, rather bell-curve shaped with a peak at 36.

Of course, the problem with this is that maturity age is a completely arbitrary number. And it's probably not the kind of thing that should be represented by a simple number: I have different maturities depending on what facets of my life you look at.

And then there's the problem of physical type. I am not small, I'm never going to be small. Even if I was in top physical shape, my structure doesn't lend itself to the broad-shoulders/narrow-hips stereotype. To use a vehicle analogy, I'm much more a truck than a sports car, and you very rarely hear a truck being referred to as sexy. Utilitarian, yes. Heavy-duty, yes. Capable of carrying large loads in its wide rear end, yes.

Nobody polishes a truck. When you use a truck, you use it to haul stuff from place to place. You expect it to go through the mud and the blood and the cornfields where the marijuana grows. You expect it to perform in harsh conditions, rocky roads, hot and cold. You don't expect it to be high maintenance.

A truck won't get you a handjob from a supermodel.

I've pretty much unconsciously given up on the whole dating thing, at least for a while.

Stop laughing. It's true.

Look, I don't have time to actually put into building a relationship. I barely have time to breathe anymore between the Big Broken Box™, work, and the various creative projects to which I have become attached. Maybe it's time to just hang it up.


( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 4th, 2005 07:21 pm (UTC)
interesting formula; guess that means I can shoot as young as 22-23 eh? Who'd have known, oh wait... nevermind
Aug. 4th, 2005 08:11 pm (UTC)
Hey! You're not supposed to shoot 'em...
Aug. 4th, 2005 08:26 pm (UTC)
Says you
Aug. 4th, 2005 08:28 pm (UTC)
Well, maybe a couple of 'em...
Aug. 4th, 2005 07:48 pm (UTC)
Seriously, this is a good idea. When you're cool with the other areas of your life, you'll be in a better spot to start dating.

The formula thing is interesting. Before I did the math, I mentally pegged the youngest I'd date someone to be "post-college" - and the formula hits at 22. I doubt anyone 22 years old would be in the same place in life I am, but it could be fun for awhile.
Aug. 4th, 2005 08:11 pm (UTC)
When you're cool with the other areas of your life...

That's the thing. I don't know that I will ever be cool with the other areas of my life. Sure, at some point I will have to declare either victory or defeat on the house, and the projects will either happen or they won't. But I don't see the never-ending string of delusion going away anytime soon.

Perhaps I am a cynic.

Either way, it's still a good idea.

It is rather ego-crushing though.
Aug. 4th, 2005 08:28 pm (UTC)
Sometimes you're so dense.

Cool != perfect.
Cool == at peace with the situation, y0.

Aug. 4th, 2005 08:34 pm (UTC)
Me? Dense?

There's a lot of highway between here and being at peace. Attaining that probably involves things like facing truths instead of ignoring them, being strong instead of weak, and acceptance of things that I don't want to accept.

Long road.

Aug. 4th, 2005 08:41 pm (UTC)
Well, yeah.

All the times I had more dates than I knew what to do with, I was really loving my (single) life. My relationship with James is the only exception to that, since he met me at a decidedly low time.
Aug. 4th, 2005 08:24 pm (UTC)
Like I have said before......STOP LOOKING AND IT WILL HIT YOU!!!! ie love not a supermodel unless you are into both......nevermind, I go home now.
Aug. 4th, 2005 08:30 pm (UTC)
Supermodels are an inside joke. You would have had to meet my ex-wife for it to really be meaningful.
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 4th, 2005 09:19 pm (UTC)
Yes, of course there's a formula.

1.) For each year of the relationship, give yourself one month.
2.) Double that number, and add six.
3.) Divide by your age in dog years.
4.) Keep adding 100 until the number is between 300 and 500.
5.) Take that much money and spend it on hookers and blow.

Sorry, what was the question?

Oh, yeah. 12 years.
Aug. 4th, 2005 09:23 pm (UTC)
a formula for calculating the minimum age of the age range that you should be dating. Take your age, cut it in half, and add seven

*smiles* I think that formula first appeared in a Louisa May Alcott Book, Little Women. One of the characters, Jo, says that she's learned that a wife should be half her husband's age, plus seven. :-) Funny that *this* is still a standard.

you very rarely hear a truck being referred to as sexy.
Um... you'd be surprised. :-) Besides, would you *really* want to be a sports car? Honestly? They're NOT strong, or practical... they're *very* high maintenance, and usually high-strung. Doesn't sound like a comfortable ride, to me. ;-)

As for me, I spent *years* wanting to be tall, blonde & long-legged (and I come from LONG lines of predominantly short, stocky, lt-brown-haired, brown-eyes women (Polish on one side, German & English/Irish on t'other). I've given up being that "rose".... it's not gonna happen. I'm a daisy. I make a lousy rose, but a *great* daisy. Now, I just have to find someone who likes daisies. :-D.
Aug. 5th, 2005 01:13 am (UTC)
And the cycle begins anew.
This is only speculation - I don't actually know your mind well enough to accurately divinate your motivations from an LJ post. Please treat it as a general speculation, nothing more.

It looks like you're on a kick about dating significantly younger women lately. What's all that about?

Here's my thoughts on dating someone much younger than me. I personally think the half plus seven is probably a good ballpark range, there is a point at which a significant age difference (even among adults) is inappropriate. Not illegal, just unethical.

Someone in their late teens or early twenties really doesn't have the life experience to be a "peer" to someone in their late thirties or early fourties. One person's always going to have the upper hand in the more *intimate* discussions, one person's always going to look down on normal mistakes that younger people need to make in order to become older people.

Then the younger person gets all jaded and bitter, breaks up with the older person, becomes crotchety and goes out and looks for someone younger to take advantage of...
Aug. 5th, 2005 02:00 am (UTC)
Re: And the cycle begins anew.
It looks like you're on a kick about dating significantly younger women lately. What's all that about?

Assuming that you are recognizing an actual trend, I have some ideas:

1.) Recapturing lost youth/midlife crisis. Considering that I've been pretty much out of the dating scene for 13 years, it's reasonable that I'd be doing a kind of Rip Van Winkle.
2.) Environmental pressure... television, magazines, movies.
3.) The extended group of people whom with I am social has a significant percentage of the single women in their early 20's.

I really hope that I haven't been coming across as being hot for teenage girls, other than in jest. There are a couple of women that are under 25 that I have had a more than passing interest in, though I'm pretty convinced that it's a bad idea in the cold light of day.
There are other women that I am attracted to that are older, mostly in their 30's. Almost all of them are married, otherwise attached, or otherwise not interested in moi in the romantic sense.

I think the age thing has been heightened in my mind because of all the dating site surfing that I've been doing. Age range is a selection criterium at every single site, and I have yet to see one that is weighted; it's an all-or-nothing. I would rather set age limits as a guideline and have the search extend beyond the limits when other elements are close.

Then again, I suppose I'm not exactly traditional.

It's a moot point (look! Over there! A Moot!) now.
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )

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