Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

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I hate fighting.

Sometimes when you are in a relationship, you have fights. It's just the nature of the beast. And sometimes you get yelled at because you did something stupid, and you deserve it. But sometimes it just goes too far, and you get into real ugly territory where you think of leaving because you just can't stand being smashed down any more.
And sometimes you can't leave because you don't have a place to go. So you stay, and tiny chunks of your soul chip away like an ablation shield on a re-entry vehicle, and you become exposed. And then you start not trusting yourself to do simple things like drive because you find yourself becoming careless, and you start to wonder whether you are on some level trying to kill yourself because then you could simply stop dealing with life because right now dealing with anything is torture. And then you start thinking of all the things that you have to do because other people are depending on you for stuff that has to happen rightfuckingnow and how you can't just disappear, and it loads up even further until you find that you have stopped breathing.

I feel like I'm broken.

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