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It just ain't happening.

Look, there are a lot of women whom I am attracted to. A lot of them I'm attarcted to for all the wrong reasons.

There is one who I would like to protect. There is another who has a PhD in biochemistry and is from Greece and has long dark hair and just the faintest trace of an accent. There are others who are otherwise attached to their significant or insignificant others, or who are just plain not interested.

It doesn't matter.

Attraction is one thing. Desire, want, all that. I've always kind of thought there was something more, some sort of bond of surging power that thrusts it maiden hands against the rocky tides of despair, or some such romantic gibberish.

I've lost sight of pretty much everything. I don't know where I am anymore, what I do, my goals and aspirations. I used to want to be rich and famous, now I just want to make it to the next day.

Sometimes the next minute.

I just had to let a guy who interviewed know that he didn't get the job. I feel bad because he's a nice guy that sounded a bit desperate: he's in his 60's, his primary experience has been really in-depth on a system which is now all but obsolete, and he has been out of work after a big layoff for several months.

OTOH, the guy who did get the job had been out of work for two years.

From Hell's heart I stab at thee.

So why does this matter? Because there but for the grace of god go I.

I'm in a weird place for any consideration of relationshipness. Yeah, if you hadn't figured that out by now. The most recent dating advice that I've seen:


  • Single women are still looking for an interesting, fun-loving, secure, and
    caring partner they can trust. Relax. She's not looking for some impossible
    ideal; she's looking for someone just like you.
  • Whatever your role in your own divorce, do three things. Understand what
    drives your behavior. Learn from your mistakes. And, make sure you come to your
    new relationships with a clean slate.
  • Date when you decide it's time to date. Don't let other people rush you. Or
    slow you down. Do it when it feels right for you.
  • Women care about shoes. We don't know why. But, if it matters to her, it's
    matters to you. Invest in a decent pair of shoes, and keep them clean. You don't
    want your shoes to say the wrong thing about you.
  • Have fun. Maybe you haven't been happy for awhile. But, that's all about to
    change. Focus on yourself and what makes you happy.


Shoes? Crap, now I gotta buy shoes.

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