There's a reason that I don't watch much TV anymore, other than it pretty much sucking.
I just don't have time.
Yeah, it's intentional. I spent most of the last year-plus in the Gulag with my head in my navel contemplating the state of my life, where I was going, what I was going to do, and so on and so on. When I finally moved back home, I knew that I needed to make some significant changes, and I was prepared to make them.
What I wasn't prepared for is that I would get my ass handed to me by the Big Broken Box™ and the associated emotional work that I had yet to go through. Hell, I was sure that I'd have the house in shape for a dandy Halloween party this year.
Cha. Know what? Uh-uh.
I suppose it's just as well. The patience fairy has shat upon my head several times in the past couple years, and I've come to recognize the odd bit of hubris and laugh from the other side of the fence. Not all the time; sometimes it still hurts to have my 'nads yanked like that, but most of the time it's not critical.
But there's another side to the busy. I keep setting myself up to do things knowing that if I stop, I'll have to face myself again. And once you've pretty much been stripped of ego, it's not pretty.
As a part of the trying-to-get-network-cable-downstairs last night, I had to do a minor amount of excavation of the studio. Maybe an hour of actual time. It's the kind of thing that if I had a week of time that I could dedicate, I could have a clear space to work in again. I could have a studio that I could use for photography, or shooting, or recording, or any of the many things that I want to do. But trying to lay hands on a week of time is pretty much teh suck. I haven't mowed my lawn in a really long time; I was thinking of putting up a Prairie Restoration Project sign in the backyard, but that would probably piss of the neighbor with the military-haircut lawn at the end of the block.
And really, I need to get the porch concrete work done. There's not that much left, it's just the more meticulous stuff that has to happen: blocks have to be cut and trimmed, rebar laid, screens put in place and frames made for the vents, holes drilled for power and fog, and final forms popped in place for the post-and-beam pour. Oh, yeah, and the fiber-cement overlay.
Yeah, okay, maybe it's a little more left than I'd like.
Saturday is the first "free" day, so barring crap weather, that's probably gonna be a full day of concrete work. I should be able to get everything in place at least up to the forms for the final pour. The weather looks a bit dicey, but the occasional rain isn't gonna hurt me anymore.
Of course, that also means that I have very little time for social things. And I really need to be social, and go out to movies with friends, and play silly games, and go haunted housing, and frolic in the arms of Swedish swimsuit models with hot tubs, and find some sort of a cure for my delusions.
I'm slowly coming back. After looking back on some of the past posts, I've made a lot of progress since I've been home, I just haven't realized it.
Room to grow, but happy hope. And pope-shaped soap on a rope.