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Something that has always been a pattern for me for serious relationships is that I tend to lose myself in them. I become so accommodating, or at least try to be that I lose my sense of self.

Of course, knowing that doesn't necessarily make it easier.

I'm also attracted to strong personalities. That makes it harder because strong personalities tend to come attached to dominant women, and being dominated is not what I need.


Another difficulty is that sometimes that dominance comes masked in passive-aggressive behavior, because the dominator doesn't want to believe that she's being dominant.

My part in this is no small one. I want so much to be liked that I sometimes chameleon myself, whoring my wares into every viable way just to be loved.

Can't do that. No no no.

Of course, I'm still attracted to strong women. They're fun.

Now when I look at this pattern, I see this big red rubber stamp with the word DYSFUNCTIONAL on it heading toward my forehead.

Some rules of thumb:

1.) Just because I find a woman attractive doesn't mean I should get involved.
2.) Friends are good.
3.) Sex is fun.

Wait, that's not helping.

The idea of a harem is looking better and better. The idea is that if there are many women, the sultan would not become too attached to any one of them, and would not become vulnerable to manipulation or attack through his woman.

And you know, having a bunch of women, each with a specialty, is really kinda neat. Sorta like "Charlie's Angels", but more minion-y. And with hot tubs. Magicmarmot's Minions has a nice alliterative ring to it. And the costumes could be really cool.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 21st, 2005 10:49 pm (UTC)
Actually, Sultans kept harems because they wanted to be assured of many heirs from good bloodlines. But that's probably not helping.

Speaking as a badass, I can say that I really lose respect for someone if they change to suit me (or worse, what they THINK suits me). Yes, it's nice to be accomodated once in awhile, but really what I prefer is someone who will stand up to me and tell me when I'm being overly demanding or inflexible. If I'm not made aware of boundaries, I tromple all over them.

Costumes are cool, though.
Oct. 21st, 2005 11:16 pm (UTC)
I like my idea better. One that's a communications expert, one that's into explosives, and one that's a massage specialist. And all of 'em looking great in bikinis.

There would have to be a bunch of different costumes though, for different occasions. Can't have my beautiful minions being unfashionable now.
Oct. 21st, 2005 11:24 pm (UTC)
I'm a fan of the "jumpsuits" the girl drivers wore in the Cannonball Run movies.
Oct. 22nd, 2005 12:12 am (UTC)
Hmmm .... sounds like the beginning of a TV reality show ...
Oct. 22nd, 2005 05:23 pm (UTC)
My two cents worth
Delete this if I've gotten too personal.

So you like strong women but you don't want one that's too strong?

I think you need to just be more specific about what you really desire. Maybe you're looking for someone who is independant, or resiliant, or sharp witted... What part of "strong" appeals to you?

There's also a possibility that you're just not ready for a relationship yet but you want to think about what the future might hold, and you've created an impossible ideal girl to chase after but keep you safe from falling into a real relationship. The harem fantasy with the bit about imperviousness to manipulation kind of supports that. Boy, you're awful scared of getting hurt and trying to think of a relationship where it can't happen.

I think maybe you don't get the really good stuff in a relationship unless you're vulnerable too, but it's only my opinion.

People make compromises in relationships. If I want to date guys who are passionate about stuff, I accept that they might be a little moody sometimes. To me, it's better than dating someone who is very even tempered but boring. So passion is more important than predictability to me, but it's a conscious choice.

You involve yourself with a whole person, warts and all. Same as you would want her to do with you.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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