Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam
magicmarmot

I keep forgetting that lucyruthe is a fellow Taurus, so I was a little surprised to see the following horoscope:

These may be some tense weeks for you, as Mars slows to a 'station' in your birth sign. I recognise that Taurus is going through what seems like a prolonged phase of constant testing. Both emotions and events associated with Mars changing direction are likely to bring a sense of release, but you're not quite there yet. You would, however, do well to ask about the exact nature of the tension in the air, and how you can work with it. Tension is energy, and this one seems to be about a contradiction between fear and desire. See if you can sort out those two experiences.
Hrm.

The only thing in my life that I can consistently look at as the contradiction between fear and desire has to do with relationships.

Desire comes in many flavors. There is of course physical desire: sexual, intimate, comforting. But there is also emotional and intellectual desire, the desire to share the more ephemeral things like trust.

And I suppose that's where the fear comes in.

I don't have much in the way of physical fear; I don't even know if there is such a thing. I suppose that if we mirror fear in the same way as desire, then physical fear would be for things like embarassment over not being able to fulfill your partner's desires, be it limp-willie syndrome or otherwise just being bad in bed. And honestly, that's not a fear for me. Granted, I'm not every woman's cup of tea, but I do know my way around the underworld. In other terms, I am a technically competent lover.

And that term just seems full of apology, doesn't it?

It's an awful lot like filmmaking. There is a lot of craft to making a movie. I have a pretty damn good understanding of the craft, the technical aspects. I can light like a banshee, I can frame a shot like nobody's business, I can get good sound, I can build convincing sets and props.

But there is the side of filmaking that is an art. That part that joins with the emotional nature of storytelling, that visceral, immeasurable part that makes something stand out as being a work of art rather than a technically competent piece of fluff.

Music would be another example. We all know technically competent musicians. They're great to work with, they can play music really well, but there seems to be a bit of soul that's missing.

So, fear. Fear that while being technically competent, I am missing that defining thing that makes me an artist rather than a craftsman. I'm missing that defining thing that moves me from like into love.

And there it is, laid bare for the world to see. My biggest fear. The one that says that I will never make that tier of being admired and crushed on and having that indefinable something special that would make me THE ONE, that would make me the object of desire.

The thing that would make me the one to be in love with, rather than just loved.

So I guess that my desire is to be desired, and my fear is that I won't be.
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