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Um, no, you don't have to think of me sexually. I'd probably feel a little uncomfortable if you did.

However, I do. It's a part of who I am, and I'm not entirely sure how much of a part.

It's sort of like passing a smutstone.


Dec. 12th, 2005 03:53 pm (UTC)
Hey there beautiful!

I'm gonna reply directly to you so both you and magicmarmot get a copy of it.

I don't take either of you joking with me sexually in a bad way. I understand your intent and your love and the fact that you say it as a compliment.

As a girl, though, it's a difficult line. Someimes compliments on attractiveness made to a girl undermines their other values. Our society has a tendency to reduce women to merely their appearance. A woman who is attractive is more valuable. It's not the same for men. Being viewed sexually as a man is empowerment, not reduction. An underlying belief in our society is that a woman doesn't have to be smart if she's pretty.

Now I am ABSOLUTELY NOT saying that either of you do this or even begin to think that way. I have never been truly offended by either of you, because I know you both have pretty, loving, open and generous hearts.

Sometimes when I'm talking about something weighty and important, my breasts and my appearance are completely irrelevant to me. Because I don't find value in that. It's just surface stuff. I mean, I like me. I like me a lot. I like feeling sexy and being sexy, but my value is in me. In my character. As a woman, I sometimes have to battle to get people to look at me as more than my surface features. That's our society. That's something women have to figure out how to interact with. Men have to figure it out too. They're just coming from a different socially expected stereotype and approach it differently.

I honestly don't get offended by the sexual value the two of you play with me about. It's just that sometimes I want to talk about the ideas and not about the value placed on me by appearance. Sometimes women are reduced to their appearance not empowered by it. There is a place for everything. And lord knows I enjoy playing as much as anyone else. But sometimes I want the focus to be on things other than my tits, which honestly, don't mean much to me.

I hope this helps clarify. Don't ever think I'm offended. If I am, I'd say so. Believe that about me. Sometimes I address subjects because I think they're important. That is very different than taking it personally.
Dec. 12th, 2005 05:38 pm (UTC)
I tend to be flirty and playful when I'm in a good mood, but I tend to be that way with "safe" women. Rejection is much easier to take when you know it's not serious.

I think though that when I'm not in a good mood, particularly when I'm in a really not-very-good place, I try and be flirty and playful in an attempt to pull myself out of the hole I feel like I'm in, and it ends up coming off as desperate and creepy. At least sometimes.

Hey, I like to be creepy in a playful sense. I like to be creepy in the Halloween-tombstones-and-zombies-and scary-rides sense. I don't like to be creepy in the freaky-old-man-in-the-back-of-the-bus-with-the-raincoat-and-no-pants sense.

I love going to different places mentally, and having long and interesting dicussions and debates about various things. I miss that a lot from my college days when philosophical discussions every day were the norm.

But on a day when I can have my sense of self-worth reduced to less than the price of a magazine by an 18-year-old girl, I gotta say that I get the being-taken-for-your-physical-attributes thing, just from the other side of the mirror. And no, it's not fun.

I wouldn't try to play if I didn't appreciate you.
Dec. 12th, 2005 05:54 pm (UTC)
I wouldn't try to play if I didn't appreciate you.

And I absolutely believe that about you. I just wanted to explain why the sexual comments get ignored sometimes. Sometimes that sort of playfullness steals from what's really goin' on. Sometimes that's more than fine! Sometimes it gives me pause because of all the other societal implications that go along with it and I'm feeling rebellious and on-topic.

Also, I wanted to let you know that I really do agree that you can use your journal however you want/need to.

I just wanted you to know that I wanted to fill out your poll, but couldn't relate to the answers. It's a hard thing. I didn't want you to think I was avoiding it or you or the things on your mind, but I also didn't feel that I could respond honestly.

I'm sorry that the bastards got you down. There are those of us who do see your incredible value.
Dec. 12th, 2005 09:23 pm (UTC)
Oh sweetie I know that. really I get you. In the Gay community we are faced with simillar battles. The fact that the word HOMOSEXUAL itself has the word sex in it---is somewhat a red letter in and of itself. A badge we are forced to wear outwardly by a society that will never fully understand.

I am really as a PERSON--about 1 percent sex and 99 percent human. I think sometimes we are just being lazy and that can come off as insensitive. I think it is definately EASY to pick on your looks (or most people's for that matter). Just as it is easier for the world to see me as crippled rather than Tim.

I love you and I really do apologize for taking the easy way out and not exploring the issues you were having, and maybe just listening as a real friend should do at times like this.

You don't have to prove to me there is something beating beneath that chest of yours.
It is clearly evident after 5 minutes of speaking to you. I hope I will have more opportunity to share with you heart to heart in the future. You deserve nothing less than the best of those around you. I could make you a huge list as to why you are an incredible person.

I am not gonna do that. I think we both know. And if you feel like sometimes the world only sees you in a 2D way, I will be there to defend you to the best of my ability.

God knows you have dealt with your share of belittlement--as have I. You let me know straight up what you need (as you always have) and I will do everything I can to be there for you.


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