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Um, no, you don't have to think of me sexually. I'd probably feel a little uncomfortable if you did.

However, I do. It's a part of who I am, and I'm not entirely sure how much of a part.

It's sort of like passing a smutstone.


Dec. 12th, 2005 05:38 pm (UTC)
I tend to be flirty and playful when I'm in a good mood, but I tend to be that way with "safe" women. Rejection is much easier to take when you know it's not serious.

I think though that when I'm not in a good mood, particularly when I'm in a really not-very-good place, I try and be flirty and playful in an attempt to pull myself out of the hole I feel like I'm in, and it ends up coming off as desperate and creepy. At least sometimes.

Hey, I like to be creepy in a playful sense. I like to be creepy in the Halloween-tombstones-and-zombies-and scary-rides sense. I don't like to be creepy in the freaky-old-man-in-the-back-of-the-bus-with-the-raincoat-and-no-pants sense.

I love going to different places mentally, and having long and interesting dicussions and debates about various things. I miss that a lot from my college days when philosophical discussions every day were the norm.

But on a day when I can have my sense of self-worth reduced to less than the price of a magazine by an 18-year-old girl, I gotta say that I get the being-taken-for-your-physical-attributes thing, just from the other side of the mirror. And no, it's not fun.

I wouldn't try to play if I didn't appreciate you.
Dec. 12th, 2005 05:54 pm (UTC)
I wouldn't try to play if I didn't appreciate you.

And I absolutely believe that about you. I just wanted to explain why the sexual comments get ignored sometimes. Sometimes that sort of playfullness steals from what's really goin' on. Sometimes that's more than fine! Sometimes it gives me pause because of all the other societal implications that go along with it and I'm feeling rebellious and on-topic.

Also, I wanted to let you know that I really do agree that you can use your journal however you want/need to.

I just wanted you to know that I wanted to fill out your poll, but couldn't relate to the answers. It's a hard thing. I didn't want you to think I was avoiding it or you or the things on your mind, but I also didn't feel that I could respond honestly.

I'm sorry that the bastards got you down. There are those of us who do see your incredible value.

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