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Awake and alive, and surprisingly no hangover. Or at least not as much of one as I expected.

Watching some movies today, I think. I know New Years is a time to be all social and smack, but I'm feeling a bit solitary. When you're alone, it can be a bit overwhelming hanging around with couples doing kissy-face things, and I'm not really feeling up to that today.

I should get outside and do some more shoveling or dog walking. Sadie has discovered that the bed being lower means she can get up on it a lot easier, and I've had a cuddly bed friend the last couple of nights.

Pondering today on coupleosis. That's my new term for the percieved need to be in a relationship; there's probably a better term for it, but it's only a label. It's the concept that's important.

At least among people I know, being involved in a relationship (be it a couple or more) is a huge thing. Most are already involved, and those that aren't desire to be. Not all, but we're talking the rare exception that find themselves single and happy.

Why is that?

On some level, I will accept the breeding instinct, the innate desire to propogate the species. I think that's more having to do with sex, but that does lead into the social structure that makes sex and competition for sex somewhat stratified with rules and structure.

But it's not just about sex. At least it better not be, or I'm screwed.

There is something deeper. An intimacy that is there, even beyond the bonds of friendship. Something that I crave, but I don't really understand.

It's not a need. I don't really need to be a part of a couple in order to exist. It is a want. And it's a deep-seated want. And I know I'm not the only one who wants it.

But what the hell? My desire should be to be with someone special, not an abstract concept. If I'm longing for the concept, I'm likely to make mistakes, to see women only through the filters of that concept rather than seeing them for who they really are. I don't know about you, but to me that seems like a problem just waiting to happen. If I get involved with someone because I see them through the filter of how well they fit my concept of the empty space inside me that I want filled, I may either not see other things about them (like their needs), or I may "bend" what I see about them to fit what I want.

Those of you who are happy in relationships may not get that.

It doesn't bode well.

Comments

gingerpook
Jan. 1st, 2006 03:00 am (UTC)
I went through a few: I thought they were what I needed. I found the one that fit—eventually—but it took a long time.

It's a good thing that I didn't find him before I fixed myself.

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