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Okay, this gets pretty damn weird.

Sometimes the Hand of God reaches into your life and tells you that you will be taking a different path. Sometimes you are free to choose the path on your own.

Sometimes there are hints.

I've been facing a personal struggle. Not really one that I've written about here, though I suppose it's one of those things that is so pervasive that it can't help but bleed over into the aether.

It's difficult to put into words, since it deals with that in-between space of love, spirituality, and creativity. In that space, I don't really think in words, but more in shapes and colors and textures and flavors.

Let me back up for a bit.

I am a synaesthete. In a crude sense, this means that I have sensory crossover: I "see" music, or I "taste" sounds. In the finer sense, it's much cooler than that, because not only does every sensory experience synthesize into all senses (i.e. music is visual, auditory, it has shape, texture, and flavor), it goes beyond that into a sensory realm that I can't describe because it doesn't really exist in the realm of the five tangible senses. It is not extrasensory, it is synthesized, a different way of experiencing sensory stimuli.

It is in this realm that I "think" and process. I don't think in words, or concepts, I think in shape-flavor-texture-color-forms, and they're very dynamic and complex.

What this is really good at is making intuitive connections and recognizing complex patterns. For instance, computer code is primarily shape-based. It has symmetric tendencies when it's well-written, though the symmetry is not necessarily Euclidean. It's also really good at making conceptual verbal connections, since verbal concepts (at least in English) follow structured patterns. If you've heard me throw out a one-liner in response to something, that's usually where it comes from. (On top of that, there is a translation process that goes from verbal to *form* and back to verbal. Yeah, I'm just that good.)

It's also really good at picking up "intuition" about some things. More on that later.

What it's not good at is in translating emotion.

Emotion is very musical, in that it's vibratory and experiential. Emotions also overwhelmingly have a smell-- an internal smell, like the internal voice that you hear when you're reading something-- and thinking in smells is very alien to me. It's like smells are anti-thinking, like smells bypass all of the tools that I have for any kind of thought process.

Off on a tangent, people also have *form* references in my head. When I think of someone, what I recall is not only a visual representation, but it also has color, texture, and flavor. Slightly different for men and women, as the women have more of a taste and the men have more of a texture. Also in general, men tend to be bluer, though that is not completely divided along gender lines.

People that I am attracted to tend to have similar colors, generally ranging from browns to oranges and reds.

Note that this has absolutely nothing to do with their physical coloring, but only my internal representation, and it's not even really accurate to use color as anything but the closest thing that I can describe. It's sort of like if you were trying to describe chocolate and could only describe it in terms of color.

So in my head, both people and concepts are represented in the same way.

Now the concepts of Love, Creativity, and Spirituality (call these the LCS trine) all have very similar *forms*. They tend to interweave and connect and interact with each other, and they tendril into the people *forms* as well.

For lack of a better term, let me call this picture of the inside of my head Thoughtspace.

Within this thoughtspace, the connectedness of the *forms* is constantly changing, like each *form* is interacting with other *forms*. When connections are made, the tendrils thicken, and become *forms* of their own, so a connection becomes a concept in its own right.

Connections do not have to be causal. Connections can be patterns, or synchronistic events.

When multiple synchronistic events happen, it is not coincidence. It is pattern. It is concept. It is *form*.

So lately there has been a series of event *forms* that have focused on the LCS trine. I am being nudged. And it's a little spooky.

Comments

inked2x
Jan. 2nd, 2006 03:31 pm (UTC)
Fascinating ... You are such a multifaceted man ... It is intriguing to think of where these expereinces may lead you ...

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