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I like the concept of unconditional love. I think it's noble and warm, and full of promise.

I also don't believe it's real.

I don't believe that there is nothing that I could do that is so heinous that you wouldn't stop loving me. And really, I can think of some pretty petty things that would probably make you distance yourself really quick.

I like to think that I'm pretty forgiving. I've had friends that have stolen from me that I still think of as friends because really, it's just stuff and I like them despite their human frailties. I have friends that have done things deliberately to hurt me in moments of anger and frustration, but I understand that they were just moments. I have friends who have done things which they are deeply ashamed of, but I still love them because they are human and sometimes we do things that are screwed up.

I've screwed up myself on plenty of occasions. Some worse than others. And I'll continue to screw up.

But there are others who I choose not to associate with any longer. They are ones whom I once considered friends, but through their actions have caused me to eject them from my life. The commonality in these people is that they didn't see what they were doing as wrong, or they just didn't care.

I've also had people reject me from their lives. I doubt it's because I've done something horrible to them, it's more likely that they've just decided that I'm either not what they expected me to be, or they just didn't find me interesting anymore, or I remind them of a time in their lives when they were not "good" people.

I've had friends tell me about unconditional love, and then flake away after maybe a year. I've had loves that were supposed to last forever crumble in the space of a few weeks.

I don't think that any love is unconditional. I think it rapidly dissipates when it becomes inconvenient. And that sounds awfully cynical, but I think it's closer to the truth than our noble outlook would like to believe.

I can love. Truly, madly, deeply. I can be a true friend. I can be there to help you in your time of need. I can help you celebrate the times of joy. I can hold your hair when you puke your guts into the porcealin throne and not make fun of your Winnie-the-Pooh underwear.

But it comes with conditions.

You have to be worthy.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 10th, 2006 08:41 pm (UTC)
Love has nothing to do with proximity.

I expect that most parents love their children unconditionally, maybe those are terms that might make it easier to understand.

Wanting someone to be happy, safe and feel cared for doesn't necessarily mean that you can provide those things or that they can accept them.
Jan. 10th, 2006 08:44 pm (UTC)
Yet what if your child turns out to be a serial killer, or a mass murderer, or a genocidal maniac?

Is it possible to say "I still love you, but I never ever want to see you again" and mean it?
Jan. 10th, 2006 08:48 pm (UTC)
Absolutely possible.

You can love someone who hurts you in some way. For your own good, you have to walk away. That never changes how you feel. Not really.

Sometimes you leave because you love them. Because you want them to be healthy and happy.

Unconditional love does not imply that you take shit forever and ever. It means that you love them regardless. Sometimes you love them from three states away. And if they can get their shit back together, maybe you can even begin again. But the odds on that one are pretty low.
Jan. 10th, 2006 10:33 pm (UTC)
Exactly what I would have said, but not as well.
Jan. 10th, 2006 09:04 pm (UTC)
aaawwww. thats some sweet stuff. and I agree, you gotsta be worthy
Jan. 10th, 2006 09:34 pm (UTC)
Sadly, I agree.
There are limits and conditions.

I accept happily that love shifts, I have known some of my closest friends for 20plus years, with a healthy ebb and flow of attention and time spent.
but there are things that would make them fully turn away from me and I would do the same.

maybe that's the cruellest human frailty.
Jan. 11th, 2006 03:16 am (UTC)
I don't really think love is unconditional. I once thought I loved someone unconditionally, but then I found out I hated him.

Because he'd slept with 25 other women while we'd been together (5 yrs) and I'd never been the wiser. He kept telling me he loved me, and I kept believing him.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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