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It is almost impossible to look at your own ass in a rear-view mirror.

Yelling "THEATER!" in a crowded firehouse will only get you a bunch of blank stares.

You cannot put your fist into your mouth up to the elbow.

The guards at a working nuclear weapons facility have no sense of humor.

If you're traveling down the highway at 70 MPH and you slam your automatic transmission into reverse just to test if it will actually shift, you can actually bounce your vehicle several feet into the air like a surprised gazelle.

A Celica is not a good car for bog stomping.

Your friends may not actually have your best interests at heart, particularly when the words "Tijuana" and "Donkey" are used in the same sentence.

Cars and women are not usually fixed with the same tools. Usually.

Using the truck as an anchor for one side of the tent is only a good idea if you have the only set of keys.

It's not a golden urinal, it's a trombone. Also, trombone players have no sense of humor.

Though it's harder than you might think, it is indeed possible to pee on your own head.

It is possible to fill a balloon with stage blood using an aquarium pump and an old bong. It's also possible to make a really impressive water balloon launcher with a bunch of bungee cords and a padded bra. However, cops have no sense of humor.

A cattle prod is usually not an acceptable wedding gift. Usually.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
fairoriana
Feb. 1st, 2006 08:25 pm (UTC)
You cannot put your fist into your mouth up to the elbow.
My teething son thinks otherwise, and is close to proving it.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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