Tom Ramcigam (magicmarmot) wrote,
Tom Ramcigam

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Went up to Casa de Bruno last night to shoot the last insert for the first round cut of the movie. Really it was much more of a social visit, since the actual shooting didn't commence until quite late, and ended up being fairly quick (single insert of a knife entering a torso with some fun blood-spurting effects). avindair was pretty sick still, but managed to crawl out from under his blanket long enough to get the shot, which is maybe a second long. I actually served a couple of purposes, both holding the stunt torso and acting as a black background (black T-shirt) against the shot. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to get, but in retrospect, I think it's probably better than what I had originally planned.

Part of the general social discussion came around to me and the Big Broken Box™. Fearless Leader made the observation that since I've moved back into the abyss, my health and mood have deteriorated significantly, and I should really consider getting the hell out.

It's a real shredder. I am completely in agreement that the Box is a primary contributor to my deteriorating mental state, but there are other considerations. I'll try and get them down in some sort of coherent fashion.

1.) The house is not what I need. It's a large single-family home on a city lot. It's way too big for me alone now, and I rarely use the space. I could get by with half the living space easily and comfortably as long as I had a huge workshop and studio area.

2.) The lot is too small. I have a dog that would really love the ability to have a bigger yard and space to run and chase squirrels. Plus there really isn't room to build a studio.

3.) While I could make some extreme remodeling changes to remake the house into something more along the lines of what I need, it isn't the best use of the space, and that money wouldn't be something I'd recoup in selling it.

4.) The house is laden with memories of a failed relationship and dreams that are never gonna happen now.

5.) It's broken in some pretty big ways. The front porch is the biggest right now, and that's an expensive remodel. I can't afford to pay a contractor to do it, so I'm doing it myself, and it's a lot more work than I had planned. It needs a lot of work yet, and I may be better served puttng that energy into building a new place that more fits what I want to do.

6.) All the crap that's in the house makes it difficult to live in it. I need to go through stuff and get rid of it, but I am highly unmotivated to actually do it because I am so overwhelmed.

7.) Walking away from the house now would mean a huge hit in the equity. I'd lose a chunk of change probably more than my annual salary.

8.) The house title is still in limbo.

9.) Walking away would be admitting defeat.

10.) My mental and emotional health suffers in that house. I don't know how much of it is the house and how much is me, but I think it's a feedback loop.

1.) I really like the neighborhood. It's close to Uptown, lakes, parks, and it's pretty centrally located to everything. It's really a pretty premium location, or kind of a "second-tier" neighborhood. While I would hate to move out of the neighborhood, there is nothing in the area that would fit what I want.

2.) The house has good "bones". Hardwood floors, oak trim and cabinets, steel understructure, real wood fireplace.

3.) I recently updated the heating system with a new boiler, and it works really well.

4.) I know how to do the work, and given enough time, I can do it.

5.) My credit rating sucks donkey balls, so getting a loan at a decent rate for anything new is a horribly scary proposition. Plus my current payments are about as high as I can comfortably go, and I don't think anything I could buy in that same price range would be close enough to the 'Cities that commuting would be fun.

Overwhelmingly negative point-for-point.

What I've been planning is keeping the house for a couple more years, trying to fix my credit rating so I can get a loan at a decent rate, getting the title straightened out, and remodeling the house to make it a lot more presentable as a for-sale property. The problem is that another couple of years may not be exactly healthy.

Other options include just selling it outright as is to something like Homevestors and taking a big hit on the equity and potential; getting a roommate to help with the money and/or remodeling work; arson or explosives; I don't know what else.

My current job is moving to Eden Prairie, so a less-than-30-minute commute would be ideal. I'm at 20-30 minutes currently.

A lot is hinging on the inspection of the foundation work that I have coming up on Monday. If that passes inspection, I can continue work on the front porch with the framing and all. If it doesn't and I end up having to tear out all the concrete work that I've done, I think it may just about break me.

Regardless of what avenue I decide to take, I need to make a great purging of stuff. That's not news, but I think I need some long-term help in doing it.

I think I'm not a complete person right now because of this.
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